daydream disbeliever

Seems Like Forever Ago

...Since I last saw Josh, even though it was only last
night. By the way, my predicament from last time was
solved. Twice. Heh. I don't love him (yet?) but I like
him more every day. And unless he does something
inexcusable, he's going to be my first. Next step: get
over gigantic irrational fear of sex.

It's frightening; he keeps talking about not if, but
when we'll do it. He even mentioned perhaps the two of us
getting our own place some day, but he was in the throes of
passion (sorry-I've read too much cheesy erotica) when he
said it. We just hung out with his friends last night-they
played guitar, talked about life, they smoked a joint.
Josh smoked too; it's a habit that I hope with time that I
can cure him of. But at least he doesn't smoke
cigarettes. The last thing I want to feel when I'm kissing
someone is as if I were licking an ashtray.

We went for a fourwheeler ride last night. He took me
to a secluded spot, nice things ensued, then our
aforementioned conversation. The abundance of bugs forced
us to leave. I was sitting on his lap facing the back of
the fourwheeler when I said jokingly, "Wouldn't it be funny
if we rode back to town like this?" He laughed and started
it up. It's a lot more fun riding backwards-like riding
the backwards Racers at King's Island. We got to the
highway and I told him to let me off so I could change
positions. The entire time I was laughing, though. He
responded by revving it up and taking off-nearly through
downtown Otway. I was laughing, too. It *was* crazily
exhilerating. He thought it was hilarious. He sped
homeward, we were both cracking up, when a car drove by and
scared me to death. Here I was, laughing my head off,
practically straddling him on a flying fourwheeler for all
the world to see. We got back to his place and laughed
some more about it. I always have so much fun when I'm
with him. We watched some TV, talked to his family, then
they went to bed. More fun followed *guilty giggling*.
It's funny, we practically have a routine now. Fool around
for a long time, fall asleep, wake up, fool around some
more, then either I go home (we spend about 20 minutes
saying goodbye, heh) or we fall asleep again. The boy is
amazing. I like him more every day. And to think I used
to hate setups.

Today was very productive. I did something I'd never
done before: I mowed the lawn. The grass was insanely
high so I had to do it or go crazy. Dad came over to
unlock the shed for me and show me how to start the thing.
Predictably, it took me a bit to get the hang of it, but
it's actually lots easier than I thought. Dad pulled up
when I was sweeping up the grass and was impressed.
Imagine, praise from Dad! That is a cause for
celebration. It makes me smile just to think about it.

Once the lawn was finished, I washed my car. Bessie
was all clean and pretty (battle scars and all) for a
little over an hour when-of course-it began to drizzle.
It's beautiful outside again right now, but why did it have
to rain?! Argh. But Bess looks shiny still.

Josh called me today as well. He got the couch
cleaned (ha ha). We're going on our first real date
tomorrow evening. He was really disappointed last night
because he couldn't take me out this weekend. He wanted to
go on Friday or Saturday, but I close all weekend at work.
So Thursday night it is. Personally, I don't care what we
do as long as I'm with him, but we're doing the classic
dinner and a movie date. Then...who knows what'll happen?
He kept asking me to stay all night. I want to but I know
I shouldn't. Decisions, decisions. I'll be twenty in a
few months, why wait? Hrm. I don't know. Until next time
I remain the hopelessly in like yet hopelessly apprehensive

K.

Fun fact for the day: Talked to N at work the other day.
It seems that Josh had memorized my phone number about ten
minutes after I gave it to him. When he came back to the
party that night, Nikki had asked him what he thought of
me. He'd told her that I'd given him my number and then he
recited it. I'm grinning like an idiot.