2001-05-27 02:00:26 (UTC)

love or lust

Dear Journal,
What am i doing. Am I just fooling myself? I don't know.I
doubt I will ever be truly liked by any guy.
one will ever appreciate my very existance. I truly
appreciate those people who say that I am a nice person and
such, but to believe these would probably just be temporary
medicine of relief. It's like those painkilles, that never
improve your actual problem, but just make you feel better
for the time being. Today is 5-26-01. I think it is funny that the
only reason I know that is because I was on ebay earlier today. I'm
becoming an ebay freak. My good friend Colleen has gotten me addicted
I think. It's for the better though, cause now I have something else
to do when I get bored.
Last night I went out on the worst date ever known to mankind.
It wasn't really meant to be a date. Any way, the guy was trying to
convince me to make out with him. I really didn't want to whatsoever.
He tried about 5 times with his comment " are you positive you don't
want to get into the backseat". Every time, I rejected him harsher,
and harsher. Until, finally I just convinced him to take me home.
It really sucks, because I like this one guy, lets call him
Adam Christianson ( which is me and my friends code name for him). I
really like him, in fact I've liked him for about a year now, ever
since me and his best friend broke up.
It really hurts, because he will probably never like me. I
should probably just deal with it. Anyways...i keep hoping.
Why do people never answer their fucking phones!!!!I've been
trying to call Adam forever. Finally, his little sister answers to
say that he isn't home. His little sister took a while to answer when
I asked, so I'll just suppose that he was standing in the room,
making frantic arm motions, for her to tell me that I wasn't home.
Oh sux...Guys are coldblooded, and nothing good will
ever happen to Me.
That's it for now.