cosmic ski slopes
2001-05-27 00:16:55 (UTC)


I spent the day with the Track team today... we had the
regionals meet in Lewiston. The track there is amazing. It
was good day, one where I didn't even think about the bad
days.... The ride home was the best, I sang the whole way
and sat teasing Lindsay and Sean who are now officially
cheating on Lindsay's bf Mike. I loved it when she gave me
dirty looks... I hope she's pissed, I hope someday she
takes a swing at me cuz I don't give a shit and she does,
I'd win the fight without having to do anything, she'd back
off cuz I'm nuts, remember? I mean really... us suicidal
chicks who don't want to live and who don't care what ppl
think of them... We're dangerous ppl. Am I right? If you
don't care, you have nothing to lose cuz it won't effect
you, thus... No Worries. I'm really hoping she tries

"Civil War"- me
I'm too blessed to burn,
as the flames scratch my skin,
I tear at where my tears once were,
And scream at the blood I used to find power in.
All my self-worship and war has turned to this...
Ripping apart from the inside as spectators scoff.
"Silly Child" they say
"Told You So" and point,
I am devided
I am terrified of my own looming shadow
and I am too blessed to burn.

My poetry's becoming violent... self hating. I'd like to
write Nick a poem for his birthday (it's next weekend), but
I can't find nice things to write about anymore... even
falling in love isn't enough to shake my depression. Oh
well. That whole 'not caring' part of me is taking over...
I only care that right now, I'm not in Nick's arms... I
can't even see him this weekend. I miss him