erin

anxiety attack
2002-04-16 17:54:47 (UTC)

lets talk about sex baby.

boy
last night i realized how completely over boy i am. I mean,
honestly, i am not completely over him. but it feels really
good to be able to say that i am. I dont really find myself
wanting to talk to him, or hang out with him, and i have
realized that i made our relationship out to be much more
than it actually was. I tried to justify our relationship under the
pretenses that we actually talked, and had disucssions, but
now i realize that i was ignorant to the actualy standards that
our relationship fell under. It was sex. pure and simple. I feel
naive for believing that there was something more to our
relationship other than just sex, and i feel ignorant for wanting
there to be anything more to our relationship. But, after
talking to him last night, i realized that there really isn't
anything more to our relationships, and all the conversation
that i was looking so deeply into, was mainly spurred by my
own efforts to advance our sexual relationship into actual
friendship. The other night he questioned whether it bothered
me that he knew so much more about me than i did about
him, and when i told him that it sometimes bothered me, he
did nothing to absolve that. Oh well. another thing i learned
from i suppose. I swear, i could quite possibly be the world's
smartest person becuase i have made so many mistakes.
xoxo journal.






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