humming bird

my F***ed up head
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2001-05-26 18:51:55 (UTC)

so complex

hey so i know that i kinda havent written in a while and
yeah i dont even think that anyone reads these anywayzs but
it helps to at least get everything outta me one way or
another and i have alot to get out.... see my one friend
kristina has been really depressed lately and she has been
cutting herself and nikki finally went to the guidance
counseler about it and kristina missed tuesday wednesday
thursday and friday of school bc she was at some hospital
getting help for it which is definitley a good thing bc it
was hurting all of us watching her hurt herself and so it
is saturday now and she is getting back in a lil while..
she called us from the car cuz she is on her way back now.i
swear i didnt now how to deal with it at first like i would
look at her empty seat in math class and just want to start
crying but i wouldnt let myself and i would hear something
that reminded me of her and want to cry and i would cry at
night and i dont really kjnow why i cried so much it was
mostly just the thought that she wasnt happy and that she
was alone with ppl she didnt know in a werid place even tho
i knew that she was getting help i wasnt at first
i was mad at her for doing that to herself and putting
herself and all of us in that postion but then i was just
like dperessed and cried all the time and didnt really know
what to do like ever i would just like sit there thinking
and not know what to do and then i was just she
was on vacation or something and everything was normal and
keep in mind that this was like in a period of like 4 or 5
days so i was like screwed in the head for a lil bit and
was like pms without actually PMSing if u get what i
mean.... but i luv her to death but yeah anywayz so yeah we
dont know what is going on today but i bet that in the end
we will end up hanging out with the guys that i do NOT
wanna hang out with last night, but last
night was fun cuz i met someone new and he was cool....oh
but let me tell u about this matt situation goes
ok see on thursday night i went to his house and i was
there for about four hours and i never thought i would be
able to spend 4 hours straight with one guy and not get
bored, especally when all that we do is just sit around and
watch tv.... but we cuddled and made out the whole night
and "stuff" like that if u know what i mean which i will
not go into detail about buty eah and then i didnt think
that he would tell any of his friends sbut i was suprised
and he did which is cool but then on friday (the next day!)
he was spose to be asking out this other girl lindsey who
everyone says is not even hot anywayz and i duno if he did
or not cuz i havent gotten to talk to him about it but i
know that she would be pissed if she found out that we were
doing stuff cuz he is like a friend with benefits ya
know..... cuz at school we act like nothing ever happened
but just wait till u get us alone! and yeah at his house
we just liek watched suth park the movie and we watched
part of the patriot and we r so dmb we laughed at
everything at south park even if it wasnt reall y
funny ...LOL but anywayz so yeah i dont really know how i
am gonna feel about him going out with her until it
actually happens ya know but i dunno it isnt really that bi
of a deal i mean i will get over him eventually i mean i am
not really even ....under.....him that much but yeah so
anywayz i dunno where this whole thing is gonna go but like
there was a couple times when i thought that he might
actually like me beyond like he was
flipping thru the channels and i saw scooby doo andhe went
past it and i was like OHH SCOOBY DOO and it was just so
cute cuz he was liike "you wanna watch scooby doo?" and we
got to watch it and like we were sitting there and he put
his arm around me but it was one of those moments when u
dont really have to do that but he did it anywayz but yeah
so kristina shold be calling soon so i gotta go i dont want
the phone line to be busy.... so tell me what i should do
about matt or anything somebody!....buh bye
luv, julie