ramblings from a 'hollie'
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2002-04-16 04:48:23 (UTC)

Island Boys

So I know what really happened with Dave. And the whole
world has a good idea but no proof. In other words
its "The Rumor that has no End" heh. I felt really set up
last night. I went with Jaye to The Violent Bilons for a
friendly before Bree leaves BBQ and I should have know it.
Dave was there...not to mention Dennis (Jayes "husband")
and of course we talked. I dont remember what he was
saying to me because I was concentrating too hard on
ignoring him. Im sure it was the 'I dont want to hurt you'
thing, and the 'it will be weird when my wife comes'
thing. And I understand. If I still loved Brandon my
concious would be making me vomit by now. *Im a bad liar.
Anyway, all day at work I thought of this boy, how its bad
and how its like eating the forbidden fruit. How the age
difference is vast, and how sexy he is when he gives me
that look. We agreed to ignore eachother and so far we
havent gone a day. I saw him at the shoppette, (I was
buying asprin for my swollen brain) and he said "hey
private". God damn thats sexy. grrrr And Bree was there
with a guy (I think its the dude Mark was gonna beat up)
and she invited us all over for festivities again tonight.
I cant say no cuz she leaves for Guam in like a week, and I
wouldnt say no cuz I take every moment I can with him. I
will leave the heavy concious to him because I already know
I dont want to be with Brandon. I love him but not like
Dave 'loves' Angie. He told me I was the only person who
could make him break and it seems like after that I dont
feel very beautiful anymore. I cant believe that Im the
reason someone is questioning their marital issues. Not
like Angie knows but she will know something is wrong with
him cuz shes been with him forever I guess. Im selfish and
evil and satan pays me minimum wage! Ive never been 'bad'
before and its all I want to do right now.