I hate my life
2000-12-20 23:31:42 (UTC)

I am a depressed person...

I am a depressed person. Everyone thinks I am this shy
little girl that is in the 9th grade. But I will tell
everyone out there what's going on. I am just a tipical
girl who thinks to much. I get depressed about the dumbest
things. I really don't know why though. Like the other
day I had just got off the phone with this guy I have never
met before and he really had me thinking about dumping my
boyfriend. Can you believe that? I sure as hell can't. I
know that I did write once today but it is better to write
more for me. I have that little shy person in me that I
don't show on the internet. But I show it in school.
Right now I am trying to get my self to be able to talk to
the preps in school. It is working out pretty good right
now. Just because the preps in our school are ok to be
around. They do talk about you and crap. I will say that
much for them but I ignore it all. Of late though I have
been walking through the halls saying hi to every prep I
see. My friends are getting kind of mad at me for it too.
I guess I will just have to see what I can do to work out
what I want in my life. They shouldn't be able to tell me
what to do. It just pisses me off so much. I almost
decketed a girl the other day. I get in lots of fights but
no one relizes it. So I am knowen as the goody-goody of
the group. I mean come on I go out I drink, I have sex,
and I give blow jobs. What else could I do. I mean I made
a few mistakes in my life but everyone forgets them to
fast. Like me cheating on my boyfriend that one time. I
will never do that again I feel so bad about it. I cried
for a week. I know it is kind of shocking I can keep all
my feelings bottled up in me for so long but I have no one
to tell them to anymore. I mean come on. How many people
can know this much about me. I am afraid that I will fail
if they find out half the bad crap I do. All my friends
know I smoke. That is the only thing they ever remember
anymore. Probably because one of the other girls in my
group smoke. It really sucks that they know in a way. But
at least I am trying to quit and stuff like that. I can't
even tall my mom things anymore it used to be that I could
tell her every thing. It is such a shock that I could even
care about the little things I do. I mean I know what I do
is wrong when I do it. But that is just my problem not
anyone elses. I mean everyone knows that I do stuff wrong
they just do not talk about it. Some times I wish they
would remember what I did to my principal. Now that was
classic. He wanted me to talk to this one lady and I told
him no and went to walk in the room again he grabed my rist
and I turned around and yelled "LET GO OF MY FUCKING ARM
NOW YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!" Then I hit him in the gut. I
did not even get in any trouble for it either. I guess I
should get going and stop bothering everyone with my boring
stuff thanks if you read it. Bye


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