2001-05-26 13:10:13 (UTC)

resin dummy in the haus

so the paperwork is here.
i honestly hope no one reads my entries. i don't bother
spell checking. it would take all of my time and time is
fleeting. days should be endless. nonetheless, my apologies
if anyone does read my demented scattered and skeptikal
ok. i know. you have shown me.
you said something beautiful to me yesterday. you said
" I like the sun on you...."
frankenstein said it's going to rain today. thats a good
thing. our brown grass needs the water.
we could use the ambience.

and you , frenchie. why? why man? i love you so
unconditionally. all of the shit we have gone through
together , be it super trivial or heavy.. i have always
loved you and known you. known who you are. i know you now,
even though you doubt my presence in your life. even though
i may leave a fucked up confused stammering message on your
phone cos i know i only have a moment to speak what's on my
mind..and thats an impossibility. i apologize for that too.
i know you wont be able to read this , that is unless you
figure out who risa is. i doubt you will, considering how
you have pushed me beyond your reach. i still feel you . i
am still in your air.
i find it sad that you consider me the way you do. people
have struggles and now i am going through the biggest one
yet. i think the lines in my hands may even change man.
i STILL think you think i did something with that person
on the couch. i SO did not . and i am STILL not. that may
be hard for you to soak in , but man, it's the truth. you
know as well as i do that its possible to sleep in the sam
space with someone without any action. you SO know that.
but SO refuse to beleive it. why are you so hurt? why? god
why. i hope things are ok with you. you and your girl if
she still is your girl. i hope she gets things figured out
soon for herself if she hasnt already. no matter what , i
dont know if you were just trying to be hateful or hurtful
or what , but man. i dont think anyone has ever said
something as mean to me as you did. "i think it sux that
you are so happy". i know those were not the exact words,
but that is what you said. i could never feel that about a
friend. no blame no pointing. i just want you to realise
the powere of that statement.
did you hear those words?

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