xdruggie

The Xdruggie Files
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2002-04-15 02:25:44 (UTC)

The Blonde leading the Blind?

Tony asked me the other day if i was ditzy...i guess i am
caught up in my blonde moments....tony has been going
through alot and earlier this week thought he might be
permanently blind..it was very scary. i have had to drive
him places and to see the doctor etc. it was on one of
these outings that i saw my tree people. when i did alot of
coke i was very paranoid and saw people in the shadows...my
tree people always wanted to have sex. Well i guess i was
having a sort of flash back (so says the shrink) cause i
was stone cold clean and sober and saw my tree people. Of
course i went into a panic attack...tony thinks it is over
me having to care for him...but it was the relapse guy and
the stress of that flashback that has cause my panic
disorder to resurface...added to this is of course the
relationship issues that tony and i are having...why can't
i trust people? i think it started with me being
paranoid...but now i am not so sure...the last time he told
me that he would call and didn't he was in the hospital and
then the next time he had relapsed. I haven't given up on
him or anything but i can't drive myself crazy like i have
been doing. I am on the verge of relapse myself...and i
think i am having heart attacks...which is the panic
disorder...normal people would get valium or xanax but i
dunno what they will give me for that...no one knows where
tony was on friday or sat night i know he is at home (saw
his roommate at church) but he still hasn't called.

finally called my sponsor after two weeks. she was pissed.
but i really wanted to use last night.

XD


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