Happy Noodle Boy Rox!
Ad 0:
Try a new drinks recipe site
2002-04-14 18:51:12 (UTC)

im fucked up

you know what i just got back from playing tennis with my
dad and this is the first time ive played and havent got
yelled at but im crying still
damnit im not playing im not reaching my potential and i
have a fucking pulled leg and it hurts but why arent i
playing damnit! and it was so weird today, driving hoome i
played like crap and we both knew it but he didnt yell...
and that just made my cry because he didnt yell. he always
yells and this time he was just being nice and i couldnt
take it i broke down. i could see through his niceness,
thats why. i could see through it all and it just made me
want to cry and i did and i come home and mom gives my dad
this look but i had to explain
damnit and im stil crying
its not about fucking tennis
oh and mom just HAD to throw in something about how if i
went to TCU id be so much fucking better
right now i just want to crawl into a hole, not do anything
not cry
not think
not live
just shrivel up and dissappear.
and then everyone else would go on and they wouldnt care
shit man, why do i care
why is it that i haveta put all this pressure on myself
when i already have it from everywhere
and why, why is it that when someones finaly nice to me, i
cant take it
because it feels phony
why is it?
damnit, why?