Mysterious Attitude
2002-04-14 13:46:46 (UTC)


*Time:8:30 a.m.
*Date: April 14,2002
*Mood: depressed/sick
*Thinking: I hope my boy will be okay
*Later: Go to the hospital to visit Justin

Around midnight last night, I was on the phone with
George. As always I was talking about Justin when I heard
my gram on the phone with someone and she said Justin
really loud. I came out of my room to see what was going
on, and what I heard has totally torn me apart. Justin went
to this replacement home to complete this program, and as
soon as he gets done with it or turns 18 he gets to come
home. Well, it looks like he may not be able to see either
of them. Last night around midnight he was burning leaves
at this r-home in Portage, the flames got to high and now
he has first degree burns on his hands/arms, and somehow
the flames also went up his nose and burnt his lungs, and
everything else through there. I've been crying since I
heard about it, George called Erica for me and she helped
me feel a lot better. So, now I have this damn cold as well
as this Justin situation on my shoulders. I heard they are
keeping him knocked out, have tubes down his nose, and
currently he can't talk. I have no idea what else is going
on now and I hate to say this, but I have this feeling he
won't live. I'll make sure whatever happens I write in
here, that is if I can do it. As I was telling myself and
George last night, if anything does happen to Justin, such
as death, a big part of me will die to. I would be in such
delirious state that I will either a)end up in the hospital
myself or b) end up commenting suicide or c) remain
depressed for the rest of my life. All choices as u can see
are a path of life no one should lead, but if he goes I've
lost everything that ever was there for me, and going on
without him is something I couldn't/wouldn't want to do.
The thing that keeps running thru my mind is why in the
hell would that damn place have Justin outside at such a
late hour to burn leaves? Where was the person who was
supposed to be watching him? I mean there is something
these people ain't telling anyone, something they are
trying to hide. If I ever find out who was supposed to be
watching Justin and what really happened, believe me I will
seek revenge.
Just when I start to care for someone the most it seems
like something happens to prevent me from doing so. I mean
why does it always happen to me? What have I done so bad to
be punished in such a harsh degree?
Well, I guess I shall go. I'm going to try and write about
past events that have happened, then take my shower. Bye
bye 4 now peace b wild, may u all live to see the dawn