Corruption in all its beautiful forms..
2002-04-14 13:45:35 (UTC)

missing the real life

i never thought of my self as high maintenance or shallow
till i moved sitting here being pleased by coke
and cold salami and generic cigarettes makes me think of
what i had and how much i really fucked up. I had good
food, money when i needed it, orange juice, friends with
cars, nice cars, i liked that, i liked having money, and
people being jealous b/c of it, now im in the projects,
with no money at all, no car, nothing. my life sucks. I
wine so much, im angry all the time, and im hating myself
cuz i hate my condition i hate my surroundings and i hate
myself for putting me here. I always want to drink, i smoke
myself stupid all the time so i dont have to think, and i
cant remember days and hours. I never sleep much anymore. I
love josh but i cant let myself get close to him and i wish
i could.loathing everything

mood:beaten down
song:cranberries-the zombie song

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