cosmic ski slopes
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2001-05-25 14:17:10 (UTC)


I had another attack today, not as bad as others... but
pretty bad I was just standing by my locker in the girls
locker room here and I started kicking the metal...
feeling the cold grating press into my skin and feeling
my foot start to throb... then I punch it, and hit it, open
hand, like I was slapping someone... Nothing had set
me off. I just wanted to feel it's coolness... it's
machine-isity against my brittle skin, I wanted to feel the
throbbing all up through my arms and my in my veins
and in my chest just like a second pulse...

Last night I tried chopping up one of my fingers... like
seriously tryied slicing it into smaller pieces with a
piece of broken glass.... no blood though. It just slit the
skin on the top, like a papercut that goes all the way
down my finger into my palm.... I moved onto the other
fingers, staying with my left hand though, all but my
thumb are lined now, from the tip to my palm... I tried
cutting my palm but it wouldn't work, not even a sliver of
a scar is there now.

I think I might need more help then I know...


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