Jean

Forever a day
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2001-05-25 03:52:43 (UTC)

Tired

Today like almost every day that passes I find my self
tired, lonely, and worst of all sad. I am in love with
someone that is always mad, always unhappy, always taking
it out on me. I do, do, do....but guess what it's never
enough. Just to make a long story short...

I've been with the same man for almost a year and 6 months.
When we first started I love you was an every day saying
for him. Somewhere in the middle it was never. I left him
for about two weeks. he called me to come back and I did
and then it was I love you all over again. Now we are back
to every once in a while.

I sit around every day...every night...when I go to
sleep..thinking, is this what I really want.

I feel lost...like my soul is lifting up and away from
me. I have always loved myself and loved the people around
me and now I feel as though I have lost my soul and my
will . I sometimes dread coming home.
My heart and mind are separate and each tells me
differently.

My heart I know will be empty without him..It feels lonely
when he is gone...It feels pain when I say "I love you" adn
he does not tell me back. And yet, my heart is what keeps
bringing me back here to him.

My mind, it says don't live like this. Don't live having
to guess if this man really loves you. You do for him..he
does nothing for you. Almost nothing anyway.

My mind tells me....enough is enough.


But here I am...and i will stand by him...I do know this
however. I will not stand forever as long as he keeps
breaking my own self down,

Oh dear God show me which path to take.


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