daydream disbeliever

Mad Ramblings From a Blithering Idiot
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2002-04-13 03:41:31 (UTC)

Am I a Complete Loser?

I just called N. Told her that I wasn't going to
Dune's get-together tonight because I was too tired. Tried
to call Dunes a few times, but the phone was always busy.
I feel like a bitch for blowing it off, but I was not
personally invited by Dune, plus I am just so tired I can't
stand it. I can't survive staying up almost all night
fooling around, then driving home in a semi-exhausted
state, then crashing at my house. Plus, the severe
mortification of this morning when Josh's mom, brother, sis-
in-law, and friend saw us on the couch. That little tidbit
got around, too. I really like him. I mean, really. But
I can't take too much of this lifestyle without crashing
and burning. I'm as big a creature of habit as they are.

However, I still feel like a complete dork for not
telling Josh personally, after I said that I might come.
But I'm just too tired after all of the late nights since
Saturday, then working, plus housework, and going to
Huntington with A and JoJo. I'm ready to fall over I'm so
tired. But I wish I could have told him that myself. I
can only content myself with the fact that it's not my
fault that the phone was busy and the hope that he'll call
tomorrow. I sincerely hope he does because I'm still
crazy in like with him. I don't want him to think I'm a
tease or a bitch at all. He monopolizes my thoughts. I
think I've fallen head over heels for him. Maybe... No,
mustn't think about that. That's insane.

Off to shower and bed. Until next time I remain
exhausted and nervous