antixangel

word is bond

men really confuse the fuck outta me seriously. i just have
one question...that one chromosome that made you a boy...did
it also make you a retard at the same time? or do you just
get off on treating chicks like shit cause you think they
like it. oh no here comes angry chick talk. heh. i could go
into detail about the men in my life but that would just bug
me out more..describe their faults and there good
traits...but then id probably just get into that 10 things a
man must possess to be my boyfriend list and i really dont
feel like going there. i am now convinced that those 10
things dont exist...well i thought they did but he disapeared
off of the earth and left me wondering if he possessed the
other 5 but obviously didn't cause he lost contact with me
for now reason, stupid he said she said crap. where the fuck
is anthony? how many nights i've went out looking for the
fucker and could not find him...hes probably shooting up
somewhere listening to his built to spill cd that he so badly
wanted me to listen to while we laid in bed together or
something. erf better off without him right? if someone can't
be found and makes no effort to find you then there is a
reason for that right? in my life for a month and gone so
fast. the first man besides the ex that actually perked my
interest...and he's gone. so is the black cloud over my head.
my life is one big elliot smith/hayden mix...never a brittney
spears song. maybe its my fault maybe i've walked out on
someone who had pure emotions so now im stuck with jackass
after jackass. i'm turning 25 in three weeks (GASP) and this
is what my life has become. pondering on moment after moment
and people that are no longer in my life. i had no closure to
it thats why im still obsessing over where he is. i remember
the night like it was yesterday dropping him off at his
little aftercare thing or something...and then poof that was
it. he said he would call...i heard he got kicked outta his
house or something but thats all i heard cause every one of
his friends that i know can't stand him and wouldn't help me
find him if it would save their life. im so rambling its not
even funny. ok whatever its not meant to be and now im stuck
in the rain waiting for the black cloud to pass and show me
some kind of light. BLAH...i suck i know.