Meat Loafs
2002-04-12 04:48:07 (UTC)

God is in the details...

First of all, my apologies to regular readers of my journal
(both of you). I have been sort of lazy as of late, and
just haven't been online all that much. (Ok, so I lie. I
was too busy downloading Bangbus films that I didn't have
time to post.)

So anyway, things have been fairly mellow here as of late.
I get to go see my doctor tomorrow to evaluate my
progression. You see, he put me on Prozac a few weeks
back, and he needs to see how well I've adjusted. Or
something like that. Personally, I think he just wants me
to pony up another $15 co-pay, but that could only be my

Because of this recent addition to my brain's chemical
structure, I've been thinking a lot about mood altering,
uh, "substances" and stuff. Not that I take any of the
illicit type anymore, but it's on my mind nonetheless.

According to a piece by Reuters, "Serotonin and a similar
brain chemical, dopamine, normally help control the flow of
signals between nerve cells in the brain. Disorders in the
function of serotonin and dopamine are believed to be
involved in a number of psychiatric diseases, including
depression, manic depression, schizophrenia and drug

"A group of drugs called selective serotonin reuptake
inhibitors, which includes Prozac, treat depression and
certain other psychiatric disorders by increasing the
amount of serotonin available to brain cells." The piece
also goes on to state that other chemicals like cocaine and
ecstasy produce their effects on a similar principle.

So basically, your moods, your thoughts, everything you are
is essentially the result of a chemical reaction of varying
hormones and stuff swirling about in your grey matter, and
carried off to the rest of your body by little electrical
impluses. And just the slightest little variation in any
of those little chemicals can fuck up the entire works.
Pretty scary notion.

So these pills are supposed to correct these imbalances.
The thing I wonder about is that I've lived for 26 years
with this fucked up chemical balance in my brain. And if
all your personality, memories, emotions and stuff lie in
these chemicals and hormones and stuff, are you not then in
effect altering who you are? Am I still the same person I
was 4 weeks ago? Or am I just a rambling, babbling idiot?

I guess I know the answer to that one.

Guess I'll stop thinking about it. I wonder if they make a
chemical for that. Oh wait, they do. I just gave it up
years ago. I'm going back to watching JAY AND SILENT BOB
STRIKE BACK and drinking Pepsi. I'll just make myself fat
and sleep deprived. Yay.

Larding up!