Thoughts in the Confused
2001-05-24 19:54:18 (UTC)


lol I am cold. It is cold here in MO. Damn. It am not a
fan of the heat but i do not want to wear pants either. lol

Just grabbed a blanquet, i guess it could be that my window
is also open. Hey leave me a lone. This room heats up
fast. It really does and it gets stuffy. OK

The last time I was on her was tuesday and that was the day
after the blues lost. That was a day or saddness. I am
better now. What has happened. Tuesday I met with Mike and
Andy and two others to talk game plan and when I would start
work agan. It looks like maybe monday. This could be good.
I need money. So I will see how things are going but I am
not going to get my hopes up. I need a good steady job. I
need something that will help me learn more of the kind of
stuff to get me somewhere in this life.

I also picked up a few bad habits of old. I am staying up
to like 5 am everynight. I end up in some webcam cybersex
thing. Where i am either watching someone get off or
showing them me get off. Either way, I know this is not
great and I am getting away from it. Plus it is not that
great, I am jsut horny. I have not get any in a lifetime.

Good stuff. i am ready a book called The Graves End. My
uncle gave it to my mom to read and i ma reading it right
now. I am already have done. IT is pretty good it a
woman's story of her ghost problems when they aquired a new
house. I like it. I hope to finish it today.

I got to goto a wedding tomorrow and I am not really looking
forward to it. I just don't want to dress up and go out
side. The good thing is that it will be nice, not hot.

I do have to admit it might be cold but the sky is
abosolutely goregeous. I tis so beautiful. I see the trees
across the street swaying in the cold breeze. It does look

Then I look around my room and it is anything but
harmonious. It is a hell hole. lol

Now onto my old laptop. IT was a Toshiba. I was going to
put it in the kitchen on the desk but it jsut would not work
right. Damn thing. SO it is in the basement. The problem
with it is that I was fliping the matress on my bed and I
hit a picture on the wall which flew and nailed the screen
and killed it. Best Buy extended warrenty i bought did nto
cover it and I was shit out of luck. So I started
researching new laptop and about three weeks ago i got it.
A Compaq that I bulit on their webisite. It is nice but it
gets hotter than hell. lol
Anyway my dad brought home an extra moniter. He got a new
one and i hooked it up to that computer and i have it
Running Windows XP 2465.

Which leads me to another topic. I got Windows XP 2474 and
i got COrel Wordperfect office 2002. I am happy. Two
things I have been trying to get.

Ok on the random thoughts here are some more.

I am suppose to hangout with B tonight or today.
Somethime today at least. But I just not really looking
forward to it. I do not know why. I just do not really
care. I think that when I am around her I feel like I am
being fake and I do not why. Though I think about the times
when we were together and it was fun. Maybe I am just
trying to make myself not want to go.

I do not like to go out a whole lot. I am not sure exactly
why that is. If people are goping to a bar I rather stay
home. The only thing I do not have a problem going to is
out to dinenr and a movies. Otherwise I am not really in to
bars, parties and stuff. I like to hang out at home. Just
relax, veg. I got being a vegtable down. lol

That and I am not a big fan of driving. I just do not like
it. I can not explain so that makes travel annoying to me.
As you can guess.

Ok I think I am going to end on this. I am going to call
G and see if he wants to hang out. I do not know what
happened to our friendship. It just sort of went to
complete shit in no time. I just want to hang with him and
then get with him. I do not know if that is part of it but
i hope to find out. We talk every now and then, I do not
know if he does not want to do that anymore, (he is not gay
now or bi or whatever) but he is not dating any women. He
is not dating anyone that i know of, he has never had a
girlfriend really. He seems to be a lot like me in that

Well, i have always enjoyed the physical thing we had. :)
But otherwise the realtionship has not been very good for a
good ling time. Talk to you later.

jdiary2001 (at) gmail (dot) com