i don't know whats been wrong with me lately. i just feel
so empty and alone, like there's nothing left. i guess
with the end of simon, it was the end of a best friend.
jessica is pregnant and is having the baby this time. im
really going to lose her. i'm so scared of losing her.
jessica, my one friend who i've loved and stood by no
matter what she did. i miss her, but then again i've lost
her for so long that i dont even remember what it was like
to have her. she was the best friend that i thought to be
my sister. the one to have sleepovers with, and do
makeovers and watch girly movies. i miss those times when
we would order from sals and watch father of the bride or
something. i hate lenny. i hate how lenny is taking
jessica away and i have nothing with her now. i miss her
so much...im so scared for her. im so scared shes going to
have this baby and not know how to face the reality.
because thats what jessicas good at- not facing reality.
shee can see things and pretend like they arent there. ha,
maybe im good at the same thing. i like to imagine that my
troubles arent there and that ill be able to face them
another day. well guess what- i wont be! thats what
happened with simon...i knew he wouldnt want to have a long
distance relationship, but i denied them until it finally
clobbered me over the head. i can't do this anymore, i
cant handle simon, i cant handle jessica, i can't handle
carolyn. i gotta go to bed...