lilqueeny336

ToRn AnD bRoKeN
2002-04-11 00:40:56 (UTC)

whatever

Today was just one of those days....I was thinking about
who I am..or who I want to be for that matter. I think im a
complete and total loser. I make up these alternate
universes in my head...then i forget they arent real and
try to act them out in my real life. I just wish life was
what it is like in my fantasy world. It would be so much
fun then...I'd love it. I wouldnt have to worry about
anything..not doing the right thing or worrying about what
other people think of me. I wish that i was the kind of
person that didnt care what other people thought of me, but
i do..I think sometimes I care way too much. Like Ill be
sitting in class just silent, like what if i say something
stupid then they will all hate me? or If i sit this way
does it make me look like a dork? Should I voice my opinion
or keep quiet? There's so much pressure to be perfect. I
just want to fit in so badly. Then in lunch there's this
guy that sits at the table across from mine that will look
over all the time and whisper to his friend. I always
think..is he looking at me? is there something wrong with
me? Maybe he's making fun of me..omg...people hate me. Am i
loser just for thinking that people are judging me all of
the time? Maybe Im paranoid....I never thought of it that
way..well actually I have thought of it that way, but i
figured only losers are paranoid. I always talk about how
its wrong to judge people based on outward appearance, but
I do it all of the time. I spend too much time worrying
about what other people are like to worry about what im
doing to them and myself. I think im an awful person.
Sure...everyone thinks that I am overreacting about
stuff...but am i really? Everyone always says that looks
dont matter, but thats not true. When people meet you for
the first time they always judge you on your looks, maybe
not intentionally, but they do. Everything we see around us
tells us that we should be beautiful, we should dress this
way, we should act this way. I just wish there was no
pressure, I always try to make people happy. That is just
the kind of person that I am.




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