So here in good old blacksburg there are some mayoral
candidates up in the race for petty significance. There's
the incumbent (but who gives a fuck about him anways), a
communist, and a college student. Here's how it goes.
All College students are drunks.
All Communists are potheads.
This is the candidacy of the drunk college student.
I am the drunk college student. I'm a fucking dumbass but
that's cool. You know why? Because i have a fucking
picture of me superimposed next to Henry Kissinger. I was
a part of the debate team. I was in the honorary spanish
league. big fucking yay for me, like so totally go MY
team or else i'll kill you. yeah.
Now as I've consumed my 110th beer and am writing this i
am sorry for any speelilng erros. did i mention i'm
stupid? here are my points.
I love this city, (i'm just fucking with ya i just love it
as long as i win). I want peace and love to humanity, I'm
going to clean up the streets, I'm going to make more
parking spots, I'm going to get a hooker for everyone of
you lonely guys. Moreover I am stronger than the other
candidates, even if my "superior" intellect doesn't woe
you then just remember that i can have the other two
candidates eating their asses with silver spoons.
Don't believe me? then i'll fuck you up. You know what
else i'm going to get rid of? sentences that end in
I'm cool, I'm hip, I can drink a pitcher of beer in .5
seconds, oh and did I mention i can beat up the other
candidates? Yeah, well I can. Let's see, there's not
much else. All I want to say to you is this :
Sure I may not remember my term as mayor. Sure I may
engage in a war with the neighboring city. Sure I will
enslave all people that aren't in a frat. Sure I will
make wearing your boxers on your head a regulation, but
know this......I promise you I will spew out more gallons
of vomit than any other mayor you've ever seen!!!!!!
GO ME AS A CANDIDATE!!!