Trixie Dust

Swallow your tears and drown...

Saints and Sailors

This is where I say I’ve had enough
No one should ever feel the way that I feel now.
A walking open wound,
A trophy display of bruises
And I don’t believe that I’m getting any better. (any
better)

Waiting here with hopes the phone will ring
And I’m thinking awful things
And I’m pretty sure that few would notice.
And this apartment is starving for an argument.
Anything at all to break the silence.

Wandering this house like I’ve never wanted out
And this is about as social as I get now.
And I’m throwing away the letters that I am writing you
‘Cuz they would never do,
I would never do. (Never)

Waiting here with hopes the phone will ring
And I’m thinking awful things
And I’m pretty sure that few would notice.
And this apartment is starving for an argument
Anything at all to break the silence.

So don’t be a liar
Don’t say that “everything’s working”
When everything’s broken.
And you smile like a saint but you curse like a sailor
And your eyes say the joke’s on me.

But I’m not laughing.
And you’re not leaving.
But who do I think I am kidding?
When I’m the only one left in this cell.

Waiting here with hopes the phone will ring
And I’m thinking awful things
And I’m pretty sure that few would notice.
And this apartment is starving for an argument
Anything at all to break the silence.

So don’t be a liar
Don’t say that “everything’s working”
When everything’s broken.
And you smile like a saint but you curse like a sailor
And your eyes say the joke’s on me.

-
Dashboard Confessional

Hey. Im not doin too good. Lol. Is that a shock to
anyone? Lol. Nawh, I dunno whats up. People are just
kinda getting on my nerves, and I don’t really feel that
good. I feel kinda empty… almost helpless. Like life is
going on without me, and I’m missing my chance to become
what I want to be. But is that the truth? I guess I have
a lot of moral and ethical questions I have to answer. And
I would take the time to answer them if I werent so busy,
either catering to my mom or my classes or Drill Team. Or
my band, that I’m in. I have no spare time, but I do
practically nothing. This is bs. Well, I wake up at 515,
get in the shower after ash (anywhere between 520-545), get
ready, run out the door at 620, get to school at 650 and
sit there until 710, start the day of in JROTC and do a
bunch of basically, chores, then go to graphics and goof
off, go to anatomy and physiology honours and learn hard
stuff, go eat artifical food substitues, then go to
personal fitness and sit around some more. If Im lucky, I
go to Drill Practice, get home at 5, sit around or nap, eat
at about 630, sit around (or sleep, do homework, practice)
until 9. Stay on the internet until ungodly hours and
repeat. I think it’s the hours I sit around and do nothing
that kill me. I hate wasting time. Graphics used to
bother me, but Ive given in to the fact that that is
basically a goof off class. I hate when Ry is in there,
Ryan Charmichael. Is not that I don’t like him, well, I
don’t lol, but hes talented and stuff, hes just an ass.
But hes a smart ass. Lol.

Anyways…

We really need to practice… Im so nervous about going up on
stage and totally screwing up. Drill Team isnt ready
either. We have until Saturday to come up with and learn a
routine. Im not good at it, at all. The thing is, I don’t
want too. Id rather be twirling weapons. * grin *

And I miss Matt. Its not fair.

I feel like my whole life is changing, and all I can do is
beg for it to stop and wait for me.

I almost slapped a girl today. I never feel like hitting
people other than my family members, but I coulda sworn she
said one more word to me shed have been cussed out or
hurting. She just wouldn’t shut up so I could learn.

Im so freaking tired. I know Im not sleeping well, and I
guess Im more depressed than Im letting myself think. I
just want to sleep. And sleep. And sleep. Then punch a
wall. Then sleep. Sick thing is, the person Im trying to
escape is myself.

'Its time to make a choice, and all I wanna hear is your
voice.'

And Im pissed that I wont get to see grandpa. I have to go
to a drill meet. I want to see my grandpa. Hes sick. I
dont wanna loose another one. I already lost grandma, just
when I need her too.

Damn tears. Damn them straight to hell.

Well, Ill ttyl.

Matt, angel, I miss you, and I love you.

Marie, Huggles, I miss you too.

Laters

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