Christy

I just don't know

I am moving out in less then a week. This week seems like
it is going to last forever though. My grams isn't coming
to the realization. I asked if we could do groceries before
I go "We will do them next week". Well fuck I need food to
live.

I went in for surgery last week. I am still in a bit of
pain but so far I am doing ok. I had a laporascopy? or
something like that. They put a little video camera in my
belly button.

I have been with Justene every night almost since spring
break. I love her more then anything. I mean I can't stand
being away from her. At the same time I just want her to
get on with her life. Find someone she is
actually "allowed" to be with. I mean we cant tell anyone
and ppl keep asking if I have a boyfriend. I just want to
tell them that I found the "person" of my dreams. It is
just not who they pictured.

I hate my life. I dont want to go on anymore. But when I
look at Justene, I remember why I keep living. She is so
beautiful, she is so much to me.

I hate myself