.: pessimism prevails :.
whelp... i was gonna have mai friend help me out by
figuring out if our mutual friend wanted to go to prom with
me... *i'm deeply madly in love with him*... and because
she told him she would find one of her friends to go with
him... *sigh... petty high school bickerings... well its a
big deal to ME*... so i say (why am i so dumb) "maybe he'd
like to go with j---" and she thinks its a great idea...
then i laugh and say "well maybe he could go with me...
*shrug*... i dunno" and she goes... "yeah!! i could totally
have fun being matchmaker..."... so she IMs him tonite and
i dunno what she said because apparantly she's to "busy" to
talk to me... and tells me... "yeah ... he'll go with you
to prom because he knows you better... but he's going to go
with julia on a date... sorry." so i'm heartbroken... but i
don't really think its cuz i'm mad at s--- because *don't
get me wrong... i am* i really feel angry at maiself for
letting me get mai hopes up. i just feel dumb and i bet
that he's going with me as a pity date because she told him
something like i was desperate or something... and now i'm
hurt cuz i don't think she cares that i'm upset. no one
really cares whenever i'm upset or hurt... whenever i try
to express anything they just kind of shift the subject
onto themselves... and i listen and try to help ... because
thats mai personality... and then if i try to mention
anything about me they're just like oh i don't care. well
SOMEBODY has to care, dammit! i'm tired of being so alone.
i just feel hurt... i didn't really expect J(2)--- to like
me... but... i'd like to have thought that maybe s--- would
at least have tried to spare mai feelings a little... you
know... maybe just not tell me that he and J--- were going
to go on a date. maybe i'm too sensitive... well ok... but
i'm still upset... and very hurt... and now just really
discouraged because if he really likes her before he gets a
chance to know me then he won't even take me to prom... and
i'll just have to grin and act happy like always... grr...
yes i'm bitching... but whatever... its not like i can talk
to anyone about anything...