My Diary
2002-04-09 03:24:21 (UTC)

An Extremely Bad Day......

I actually feel better today, but also a thousand times worse,
oddly enuf. When i got home i tried calling chris, and with my luck,
he wasn't home. But it put a huge smile on my face when i got online
tonight and seen he had left me an I.M. saying he had \"done
something really sweet for me, and i'd find out what it is
in a few days\".....that's kinda weird because he never does
stuff like this, so i'm really happy. Feels like i had
almost forgotten what feeling this happy was like. I hadn't
been happy in so long that it's almost pathetic. Other than
hearing from chris today, this has probably been the worst
day i've had in a long time. We had all-county band try-
outs today, and i got 5th chair out of 9. Sucks 'cause last
year i was 3rd. i know i have more talent in music than
that, everybody told me today that i can do better than
that and because \"i'm lazy & won't practice\", that i
what i deserved, but that's ok, who are they to judge, if i
wanna feel bad about it, i will, and i don't need them to
help me along the way. I found out a lot of bad stuff today
tho, that's what made this day COMPLETELY SUCK!! I found
out for one, that my ex-b/f MICHAEL BELCHER (i swear, i
almost hate him) has been going around Grundy telling ppl
that i was a whore and all this sh*t, when none of it is
true, how tha hell would he know, he seen me once, i mean,
once, and big deal, i kissed him. and for his information,
i'm a virgin, and i don't need him going around questioning
that just because he is mad at me for DUMPING HIS SORRY
A$$! the last thing i need is PPL LIKE HIM going around
running his mouth on me. He has no right, and trust me,
he's gonna get an earful when i talk to him, i don't
deserve that from him or anyone else and i shouldn't have
to take it. It's not my fault that i don't like him the way
that he likes me, it's like whoo-pee, get over it. That
shouldn't cause him to go tell lies on me, when after the
whole time we were together he fed me this line of bull
about \"our relationship should be built on honesty\"-
what a
load of crap, he's lied to me more than once, and i don't
appreciate it very much. And the other thign i found out
today was that a person that i seriously thought of as a
real true friend, that i oculd confide in at anytime, he
always told me \"i have ur back, ur my girl\", and then
out that one moment he gets mad at me, and decides to tell
everything that he knows on me to the entire school, and
tell it to tha biggest bitch i know so she would spread it
over the whole school. I don't understand what i did to
him, but i surely don't think i deserve to be treated this
way, after i thought i could trust him. i mean, tha way i
look at it is, if you earn my trust, then that's like a
MAJORLY HUGE thing to me, and you should respect that i
trust you and not go behind me and tell everything that i
confide to you about. It's just wrong, but ya know, if all
this shit turns out to be true, then i really got one on
him, he cheated on his g/f with me when they first got
together....and no one knows this but me, him, and one
other person, i could ruin what him and his g/f have
together...but i dont know if i wanna stoop down to his
level. i really don't want to be mean, i don't want to be a
ABOUT ME.....i'm just like, dude, get a life, and live it,
and leave me out of it, PLZ. No one seems to get that, i
don't understand, but right now, i just need to sleep on it
all, and hope that i feel better tomorrow, even tho i know
i'm gonna have to go face him and all the damn ppl in that
school tomorrow. Oh, well, screw it, life's a bitch and
then you die, right......i just have to suffer thru it for
now and hope to find happiness in the one thing that means
the most to me in this life other than GOD, Chris......the
person i love.....i just pray that i can be with him and
then not have to worry what everybody else thinks.....all i
know is that I LOVE HIM, and he is truly what i NEED right

*It's hard to answer the question "what's wrong?", when nothing's
*Don't worry about hurting someone's feelings, more than likely, they
have already hurt yours*
*Sadness is beautiful, but lonliness is tragic*
*No smile is as beautiful as the one that struggles through tears*
*Tears are the words that the heart can't say*
*You laugh because I'm different, I laugh because you're ALL THE SAME*
*Judge me if you want, but keep the verdict to yourself!*