my pathetic life
2002-04-08 21:28:07 (UTC)


today while i was on the road for drivers ed i past the
site where a high school senior died in a car wreck about 3
weeks ago. my instructor said to me "its really sad, a few
weeks from now all those kids who were crying there and
lighting candles will just forget him". thats so fucking
true. it makes me so mad, their fucking friend dies and
they go through a week of feeling sorry and then when they
think its not "cool" to morn the stop. y do u think its
wrong to feel sad or whatever if everyone else in ur
fucking school isnt. THAT WAS UR FUCKING FRIEND. or should
i say "friend".

my friend was shot and killed my her step-father in 2000.
he fucking shot her in her head. he killed her her mother
and ran away like the fucking ass he was and shot himslef
in myrtle beach. i think about that every fucking day. i
moved about 5 months after she died and its so hard for me
to be around people who dont have the slightest idea how
much this event changed me. most of my friends dont no how
it feels like to loose a friend like that, and thats good
for them. im away from my friend who went through that with
me and can relate. after brittany died i was never the
same. and it hurts me so bad when i go back and visit my
friends and they dont have pictures of her up anymore.
after she died it seemed like everyone had a picture of her
on their wall or something to remember her by. how many
people still have that? how many of them still remember
her? i sit with them and wonder. it makes me want to throw
up, i want to cry. i think what would the people i consider
my best friends do if i died? would they forget me too?
WOULD ANY OF U EVEN CARE! how long would it take u to
forget me?