a freak with a heart
2002-04-08 03:11:19 (UTC)

A day of many tears

The day i had been dreading to come has. The day that
Jeremy leaves to go back to SC. I've had the one i love so
much at my side for the last week and a half and now he's
gone again. You would think that by the third time i
wouldn't cry cause i know he will come back and he will
hold me once again. And yet the drops of love, sorrow, and
pain streamed from my tired eyes and down my cheeks. Every
time we have to say good bye it feels like something out of
a sappy dram or romance novel/movie....Standing at the top
of the stairs, he placed down his bag and wrapped his arms
around me so tight that the breath was pressed from my
lungs. Then gently placed a kiss apon my lips. Coming back
again and leaving this time with my top lip softly placed
between his. With a moments glance into each others eyes he
picked up his bag and turned away and walked down the
stairs. Looking back several times with the smile of
someone who is being lead away by the arm but knows he will
return in time. Painfully i smiled back and gave a small
sad wave in return even though it broke my heart to have to
wave goodbye to half of my soul. Befor he left he had told
me not to cry but to remember the great fun we had the last
week and smile! I tried, i tried with all my heart not to
cry. I thought of everything we had done, every memmorable
moment of our time share. I smiled for a breaf moment befor
the tears started to form and desend down my face. Spending
the next 20 min. crying continued to think of him. His
touch, his lips, his eyes, his smile, his smell, his voice,
his laugh, his face, his body, but most of all the look in
his eyes every singal time he looked at me. The look of
true and pure love. With that in my mind i fell asleep, but
only to awake in the car and alone. Not to the beautiful
eyes i had been waking up to, but to the feeling and hte
knowlege of him being gone. It's true what people say you
really don't know what you have until it is gone or in this
case out of sight and reach but not out of mind. Every time
he looks at me i know and see the love in his eyes and i
hope he see's the same. But when the only thing you can see
is a replayed image in your mind of a moment you shared you
focuse in on every little detail, and the love in his eyes
sames to much to be real. Thinking of him as i and writing
this is making me cry, but im crying cause im.....im ok. I
miss him a lot but he's not gone. Im crying because of the
love we share and the time we spent holding each other,
making each other laugh and smile. And im crying cause i
can't see that love in his eyes, but just beause you can't
see something that doesn't mean it's not there. Because i
know it is and even though i may not be able to see it
right now i will again and unil then i can see it in my
mind and feel it in my heart.

Some time around 10 tonight jeremy called me from the
train to see how i was and if i cryed a lot. And he told me
that when he got to the bottom of the stairs and saw me
looking back down at him he wanted to drop his bag and run
back up the stair to me. Could you image.....something like
that only happens in the movies. Honestly even though he
only thought about it and didn't i would still have to say
it was the sweetest thing anyone has ever or would have
ever done for me. Just the thought of someone you love
running back to you just for one moment more, one breif
simple moment in each others arms makes me cry! And if he
did....i would have had the biggest damn smile on my face
and a rive of tears in my eyes and down my cheeks!

So see today WAS a day of many tears....and now im gonna
go and lay in my warm bed and remember every little moment
we shared and how much closer even now we have become, even
though i thought it was impossebile to love him more then i
already did but i do, and cry myself to sleep with
wonderful tears of enjoy and love! Remember you control
your life so make it as dramatice and full as you want. And
remember every tender moment you share with a person!