sweetaddiction

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2002-04-07 20:40:58 (UTC)

lets burn the lines between us.

i do not want to be here.
i do not want to be here.
i do not want to be here.
i do not want to be here.
i do not want to be here.
i do not want to be here.
i am typing with my eyes shut.
i am not in the mood to be here.
i do not want to be here.
i want to leave.
when i was little i used to say i want to go home i want to
go home.
i am "home"
i cant go there.
im not there.
i do not want to be here.


shes drunk.
she keeps asking me whats wrong.
i will not talk to her about anything now.
what the hell would be the point.
shes beyond comprehension.

hmmm...
whats more important.
my daugher...or.
my daughter....or...
my daughter or to so many different things.
i hate the way alcohol controls her.
the way work controls her.
and the way that she attempts to control me.

after already knowing one idea was fucked.
i tried something different.
and then...
just fucking right in front of my face.

i do not want to be here.
i do not want to be here.
i do not want to be here.

i want to leave and i cant.
i cant.
they keep telling me i cant.
and my sister is giving me a guilt trip cuz "i never see
her"
yes well.
maybe if she had shown up for other fucking holidays.
i would have seen her.
fuck them all.
fuck my dad for hating me and being such a fucking prick.
my mom for being an alcoholic who one day is my best friend
and the next is telling me that she doesnt even think i
love her and the next that im a total fuck up and the next
that im perfect.
fuck my sister for choosing her boyfriend over us. me. and
being oblivious to it.
and its not a fuck donie...more of a fuck everything for
donie cuz hes not donie anymore. and ill never have my
donie back. and i miss him.

i stoped asking why a long time ago.
ive just been dealing.



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