Phone

This is me...trying to find myself.
2001-05-22 22:18:01 (UTC)

How can i be so shallow

I feel so..so.. pathetic. I try to make friends, and
when i finally do, or think i do, they tsat talking. They
tell secrets. And every single time i think they are about
me. I know the world doesnt revolve around me, but i dont
know.
Then i tsart to feel self consience, and i get all
cuaght up in what other poeple think of me that a begin to
stumble through my socail life.
I feel so low and down that i begin to bring them
down with me. I talk about them behind their backs, and i
think that I've made it to a higher level....but i haven't.
And then when they comfront me about it... i back down
a bit. I don't want to feel so alone, so in significant,
and so irrelevant and out of place. And b/c of this i try
to bring someone down with me...bring them down to my
level...my low level...
I can't believe I'm so shallow. I act like a fucking
selfish, shallow bitch, who doesn't give a flyin fuck about
other poeple's feelings....but then I think about all the
shit thats been goign on.. and i know that i DO care about
them
I realize how much i regret, how bad i feel and how
sorry i am. But I've broken whatever trust that was
there... and there isnt anyway...that i can think of....to
redeem their trust.
They don't believe me, they dont WANT to believe
me.....
I feel so alone, like an outcast, unwanted, unloved,
i feel like ive fucked up everyones life.

"And when you slide that blade across your wrist...you
pray, pray for enough courage to press down"
-girl interrupted

........sounds like me


Ad:0