Phone

This is me...trying to find myself.
2001-05-22 22:00:57 (UTC)

Nick

LiL PrInCeSsS87: tell nick hes a meany butt
LiL PrInCeSsS87: lol
Saphieiiz: no
LiL PrInCeSsS87: i was kidding
Saphieiiz: dude you both need to be more mature, put it
behind yas, and be friends
LiL PrInCeSsS87: hes the one calling em anbitch
LiL PrInCeSsS87: i dont really care anymore
LiL PrInCeSsS87: you should tell him that
LiL PrInCeSsS87: hello?
LiL PrInCeSsS87: damnit
Saphieiiz: what?
LiL PrInCeSsS87: now hes goign to go and blab liek
everything ive told him
LiL PrInCeSsS87: thats like about my personal life and
everything
LiL PrInCeSsS87: i hate trusting ppl
Saphieiiz: well why the hell did you tell him in the first
place?
LiL PrInCeSsS87: cuz i TRUSTED him
LiL PrInCeSsS87: and now im mad a me
LiL PrInCeSsS87: at*
Saphieiiz: lol

Im lilprincesss87...the otherperson is a really good
friend of mine, Devon. Well She's been a good friend since
my other "friends" "kicked me out" of thier "group".
I've really gotten to know her since then, and im glad.
But back to the nick thing....
We had been going out since december 11th adn we broke up
sometime in april...i think....
4 months of my life... wasted away..talking to a guy
on the phone, the internet, trying to build trust, telliing
him i love him, listening to him tell it to me and praying
that he meant it, trying to forget it when my "friends"
tolds me he talked about me behind my back, Confronting him
about it, having him tell me he didn't, and then believing
him, but then finally giving up and ending outr so-called
relationship.
I trusted him. I trusted him with my deepest secrets,
my deepest thoughts, everything. I thought I could trust
him, I DID trust him. I thought that he'd always be ther
for me when my life got messed up, thought he'd be there
when i needed a shoulder to cry on, when i needed to be
comforted, when i felt all alone in my pitiful life hoping
someone really did love me, hoping someone cared for me,
and praying, praying that he felt the same.
I hoped that he felt how i did, that our so-called
relationship was real. I hate my life....soemtimes...
Sometimes i feel like my life is the greatest. I feel
like nothing could ever go wrong. I feel like i have the
best[so-called]friends, the best [so-called] boyfriend, the
best [so-called] everything.
I feel like im on the highest tip of my mountain. I
feel like i've reached the top. Thats I've as far as can
be. And then i look down. I see that i'm so high. and i
look up, and realize that iu have a long way to go. And i
look around me, and see that everyone one else is at a
higher point then me. And i begin to fall. I stumble the
rest of the way down and tell im only a few feet away from
the lowest point.
Theni look around again and im the complete lowest. I
feel the need to get higher. But i can't, and i know i
can't, atleast thats what i believe. And so i decide to
bring everyone else down. but as fast as i bring them down,
im goign down farther...tiwce as fast.....