Ode to a psycho!HA!
2002-04-07 05:46:04 (UTC)

unapproved thoughts

It's a little after midnight, well technically a little after
one. I just got home from Kristin's house. We hadn't hung out
in forever. It was nice, but on the way home I found myself
REALLY wanting to be on the phone with Brian. I really just
wanted to hear him. He always makes me feel better. Just
hearing him. At the same time I also had the urge for someone
to dig their nails into the back of my ribs, just above my
waist, or into the crevases of my shoulders just behind my
collar bone. That would have felt nice. Last night when I
was going to bed I suddenly felt so drained, but the voices
in my head kept talking. So I put on some hard music, that
wasn't too bad. (I hit play at no. 10 on Stained, Break the
Cycle.) Then I took off my boxers and shirt, and moved across
my room to my bed. I don't lnow why, but everything felt like
it was in slow motion. then when I got into bed and pulled
the covers up they felt so nice. There's just something
comforting about all that weight just laying ontop of you. I
shoved a pillow between my legs and was asleep almost
immediately. It was really nice. I can't start thinking about
Brian randomly like this, though. I can't let myself do that
to him. I don't ever want to hurt him, again. My face feels
hot and I'm tired though, so I'm going to bed now.