.Scream Your Dream.

Emo Violence
2002-04-07 04:08:19 (UTC)


i was thinking, today, about how easy and simple this
jounral is. no links or profiles or anything. though i
really like peoples' complicated fancy journals, though
they arnt for me. actually no jounral is for me. i need to
write things, so its just easy to write it here, but i dont
like them, at all. i hate sounding pretentious or fake.
although, its nice to be able to let people knwo how you
feel, subtlely.

so its saturday night. almost eleven. im relaxing. i feel
sad and maybe a little confused. the past few days (week
actually) have been amazing, and fun and adventurous. now i
just feel drained and tired and sad.

i like mike soo much, i guess it hit me last night, at the
show, that i wouldnt see him for a week. (unless he comes
down, or i go to delaware during the week, which seems
unlikely to me). especially with ray breaking bryse pretty
bad. she called me today around 4 pm, im pretty sure she
slept all day, she was so sad, crying a little. i dont
know what to think, the only responce to the entire
situation i can manage to come up with is "this is so
fucked up" i dont knwo what else to say. i dont even think
you can blame, maybe just time, maybe thats all everyone
needs. time. to figure it all out.

i just yawned. i need sleep. im thinking of how silly
straight edge everything is. im talking to this kid and
hes gossiping about how daryl "cut edge" and how big of a
deal it is. silly-ness. just live. sucks to trendyness.

i really wanted to go to aaron's party tonight. but in
actuallity i made no real attempt to go, i called alyss
today, and she said she'd give me a call if she was going,
she didnt call, i dont care though, i didnt want to see her
anyway. i wanted to see mike. (and the bands and sammy and
the rest too) but i really just wanted to see mike. im
scared for our relationship, because i dont know how he
feels, especially now. i dont want to be that obnoxious,
over-powering girl who is rediculous. but its tough waiting
around for an email or phone call. im using restraint
though, dont wanna fall too hard for this boy. too afraid
of getting hurt.

i better work on reading lord of the flies, im about 1/4 of
the way through it, its not too bad. id rather read
somthing better though.

so much happened this week, i cant even go through it all,
though i have this craving to write it somewhere, so i
remember it all. but not now. i hope next weekend works
out, i dont get a horrible report card, that the sounds
play on friday, and i see brand new on saturday, with
everyone, and bryse and ray patch things up (friend-wise)
so she will come to the party with me, and maybe spend the
night. if i was only so lucky, right? right. i need sleep.

with love. sarah.