the life of me
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2002-04-07 02:28:06 (UTC)


tomorrow would've been domi and my one year anniversary.
crazy isn't it? a year ago tomorrow was the start of a
relationship that i both charish and regret. funny how you
can do both at the same time. i wish he was HERE though.
he's on band tour. so who knows if anything would've
happened or not. but it's something to wonder about. i miss
him. i think i really like him, i just don't know what to
tell my parents. AHHH! everyone's gonna think i'm crazy. i
don't really care what my friends think (well, not much
anyways) but i DO care about how my family'll react. my
parents'll freak when i tell them that i'm even CONSIDERING
it... and then there's my uncles, aunts, and
grandparents... it's gonna be aweful. ugh, i just don't
know what to do. i just wish things were easier in life. ya
know? i told russ about what i'm thinking. i haven't talked
to him in forever. not about anything serious... and not in
person. i talk to him online about stuff... but then when i
see him in person, it's been like we're both to busy
lately. grrr. what kind of a friendship is that?!? sheesh,
life's just going insane. i need to sit down w/ russ and
we need to have a long talk. we haven't had time for that
in forever!!! *sigh* life's just sped up and i can't keep
up w/ my own schedule. ugh! but i'll be ok i guess. i'll
call him this weekend or something. OH! i'm getting my hair
cut. it's gonna be gone. dave and kris said that i should
cut ALL my hair off and spike it! hahaha, but carson said
that he wouldn't speak to me in public if i did. it's weird
how close i've gotten w/ these guys. they're such great
friends. darrell, bobby (sometimes), jackson, carson
(sometimes), dave, kris... they're all such great guys! i
love them so much. we have so much fun. and they make me
feel so loved. i haven't told you about them in detail yet
have i? well, lemme start w/ jackson. if i were to describe
him to someone i'd say he was somewhere in between my
brother and my good good friend. we've gotten really close
over this year and we'll be spending the summer together at
PSR too, so that'll be fun! then there's darrell. i've
known him the longest, and it's his doing that i'm even
included in the '114 extended family' group. i love
darrell. he's my big brother, my duckie bud, and one of my
best friends. i used to have a crush on him... but now,
we're just cool. then there's bobby, he's funky, but he can
be a really great guy at times too. i've only had like two
serious conversations w/ him, but those that i've had have
been really good. he's perverted, but he'd never REALLY do
anything that he thought would offend me. carson's
different though, he's got NO personal space bubble. i only
barely knew him and he was already sitting so close to me
on the couch that his leg was almost on top of mine. it was
pretty funny. but he's a great guy too... sometimes a
little out there... and ALWAYS good for a laugh (but then,
aren't they all???). dave's next. he's a cutey. he's got
muscular distrophy and his twin brother danny has it too
(and he's so bad that he can't even walk). dave walks
though... he's got a limp, but he walks. he's the sweetest
one in the group. and last but not least... kris. he's
hilarious, and the huggiest guy i know. all in all, they're
great guys. i LOVE them to peices and hang out w/ them all
the time. so that's it for tonight... whoah... long entry.
sorry bout that. much love n' bye bye!