camicazy

Meshed Up
2002-04-07 02:14:23 (UTC)

shallow entry

argh...my body feels weak. rock climbing is fun but dead
tiring. i can't even snap my fingers for goodness' sake.

to hilary, i completely agree with what you said about how
you look is influenced by who you are. but then, what if
you already have a boring personality? i'm on the losing
end here. it's all right to ramble a lot. i welcome
comments and criticisms.

frankly i can't stop thinking about nelson and his girls.
it's times like these that i wish that i have guys going
after me. at least that way nelson will be able to feel the
way i feel whenever i know that he will always have
somebody else's arms to run to whenever i'm not available.

yes yes...nelson never runs out of girls. bernice, this new
pretty one...this new mixed girl who's a headturner as
well..she's after nelson. and everytime she emails him
she's always telling him about her schoolwork, how damn
hardworking she is, how fucking nice she is and all that
crap. i don't like it. i think she's a phony. and she even
told him that she wouldn't want to steal somebody else's
boyfriend (in this case that would be nelson) but she told
a mutual friend of theirs that she is actually quite
interested in nelson. such a liar. as the blink 182 song
goes, shit this fuck this cocksucker motherfucker.

oh yeah and i just found out that nelson actually called
her. am i pissed off? you got that bloody right.

a few nights ago some friends and i went to a cafe bar and
sat down for drinks. i was wearing a denim jacket, a black
fcuk baby tee, and jeans. then a friend took something off
his wrist and handed it to me.

he said, 'yes candice it's a necklace.'

i said, 'isn't this the one that you were wearing this
afternoon?'

he said, 'no, that was a different one. i'm wearing it.' he
pulled down the collar of his shirt and he was wearing a
necklace...almost identical to the one i was holding in my
hands.

i put the necklace on and -- feeling a bit giddy -- turned
to face a friend. 'so how do i look?'

she said, 'with the denim jacket and that metal necklace,
you look like a tough chick.'

i faced this other guy. 'so...do you think i look like a
tough chick?' i lifted the necklace. 'with this necklace?'

he laughed. 'you still look like you.'

i turned to the guy who lent me the necklace. 'so do i look
like a tough chick?'

he grinned a bit. 'yeah you do...oh on second thought, i
disagree with the tough part. i disagree with the tough
part.'

he disagreed with the tough part, but he didn't disagree
with the chick part. hmmm..so does that mean i'm a chick?
at least, am i one when i have a denim jacket on?

as you can see, my mind is getting a bit weird. who would
even think of such things?

i'm pissed off. at nelson. and bernice. pissed off at both
of them.

people immediately assume that people who look into mirrors
all the time are vain. as for me, i tend to look at mirrors
too just to remind myself how ugly i am and that i
shouldn't walk as if the world rolls under my feet. i'm not
vain. i'm just depressed.




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