SillyBanana4

Life of a Silly Banana
2002-04-07 00:10:19 (UTC)

2 : Mon Amour

The world stands frozen in the eyes of my soul which I
shall probably die before I see yet I dream about every
night in the silence of my ever-beating heart...and yes, my
soul has eyes because he is a person, a living breathing
person outside my body yet he is my soul because he and I
belong together in this world where happy endings are rare
and not even found in modern day books anymore. Nonetheless
I shall probably never look into the eyes of my beloved
soul for chances are he is but a figment of my overactive
imagination to which all things are possible yet nothing is
real. And as soul mates are in short supply, souls are even
harder to find and yet I stare into his eyes on my dream
come true night, of forever holding hands, that doesn't
even exist. And the moon will be full on the night of my
life that is not a life and will never be a life until I
look into the eyes of my soul who is probably non-existent
so therefore I do not live and never will. But the world is
so big I must be able to find him and I think I have found
him since he's so perfect but it might be forever in a day.
When the sunrise and sunset of a million lifetimes are
blended together into one spectacular fireworks show that
lasts for as long as I can blink and then it is gone,
forever in a day, a day in the blink of an eye, and so it
is to eternal love, which I have yet to find or maybe I
have found it I just have yet to discover it. Underwater
fantasies of mermaids and non-existent creatures haunting
my every thought but no, he haunts my thoughts, my soul, my
life, my existence that lives inside the rhythmic beatings
of his very heart and yet he might not have a heart that
beats for my love is but an angel. And that angel痴 name is
Kevin.


Wondrous things fill the hearts and minds of lives of
everyone...but all I have is an angel. Everyone else has
fairies and witches and goblins and magical things that
only exist within their simple minds...but all I have is an
angel. And people have these magnificent love stories that
seem so unreal yet are so perfect they can be nothing but
real...but all I have is an angel. And daydreams flood
their minds with suns and clouds and sky blues and pink
hues of sunset...but all I have is an angel. And all they
see are happy faces and yellow balloons and all the things
that make you happy when you feel your saddest...but all I
have is an angel. And they're lives are so perfect with
everything in it's place and so many amazing stories to
tell that I know they stole them from a book...but all I
have is an angel. And my angel is what keeps me going,
keeps me flowing, keeps me from going insane in the middle
of the night when the dreams of stolen realities haunt my
very existence and breathing is hard to do when I hear the
voice of my angel singing softly to me like the wind...and
I know that an angel is more than anyone else could ever
imagine. My angel is amazing and mystical and wonderful and
perfect and no one can compare to my angel...no one. And to
dream of listening to him breathe as he sleeps like the
sound of the ocean you hear in pretty pink shells that you
find in the sand as it squishes between your toes and you
run in the waves with your soul flowing freely behind you
beckoning to come along on the wondrous journey of self
discovery and so much more. I want to run in the waves with
my angel and hold his hand to make sure he's really there
and build sandcastles in the sky up to the clouds and the
sunset on the horizon of the beach shining and glistening
over the ever waving water that seems to twinkle and smile
at me as my angel kisses my lips and takes me to that
paradise that I so often dreamed about. In another world,
in a dream life, everything is perfect and nothing is real
and yet you can touch it and feel it and see it with your
eyes and hear is whisper softly like the leaves of the palm
trees on Dream Island. And suddenly a bubble pops in the
dream of my mind and I wake up to find my angel sleeping
next to me, breathing like the sound of the ocean in a
pretty pink shell you find in the sand...


Time is watching the waves roll on the ocean and looking
into my lover痴 eyes for the last time and realizing that
forever is real. Life is looking at the clouds and knowing
that my angel was sent to me from somewhere beyond the sky
blue and somewhere deep within the red and yellow hews of
the sunrise. Love is finding someone who will share my
life, my thoughts, my dreams, and will be my everything-
forever. Paradise is that place I go to when my lover's
lips press softly against mine and I feel as if I'm
somewhere behind the sunset watching golden dewdrops form
in the eyes of my beloved as he looks at me with a smile in
his eyes and kiss in his heart. Forever is the word I think
of when I stare deeply into the eyes, the soul, of my soul
mate and wonder where the time went. Time is watching the
waves roll on the ocean...

The most horrible thing happened today. I found myself. I
found myself in the static radio waves that cut into more
then just a conversation. I found myself in the euphoric
daydreams of you, like a double exposed photograph blending
in with the harsh reality of a plain-Jane world. In the
park with the kids and the guy with his trophy
girlfriend...I found myself there too. On the Easter grass
in my Grandma's backyard that looked like a forest when I
was young...and the lemon tree that looked like it had been
kissed by the sun...near the lake with the boat and
imagining messages in a bottle...I found myself there. I
listen to my Grandma speak, her brown paper bag voice
echoing through the walls as I eavesdrop from the other
room...a conversation I cannot understand but the voice of
which flows over me and acts as background music to my
thoughts in which I find myself. I find myself in you. The
teddy bear that sits on my bed and shares your name reminds
me of who I really am. I am you. And I always will be. And
I want to thank you...for letting me find myself. I lost
myself in those eyes of yours that I have never gazed into
but I find myself in your heart...and I will always
be...forever in you.


When I tell you that I love you, I mean it with all my
heart. When I hear your voice, it shatters all reality and
yet it keeps me grounded to Earth at the same time. When I
think about you, hear your name, or when I'm just reminded
of you, I have to smile. I have to smile big and huge
because if I didn't I'd explode with all the happiness you
bring to my life. Yes, you are my everything. You are the
one I imagine forever with. You amaze me with your
perfection...you astound me in the fact that you could love
someone like me...someone like me...but oops, you get mad
at me when I say that, you tell me I underestimate myself
but somehow I think you're blinded by love. But maybe
someday the light will go on in the refrigerator for one of
us and either you will leave me because you deserve better
or I will buy you a teddy bear because you were right all
along. We'll never know until we try, though. And hey, I'll
love you forever.


~Meg




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