i thank god 4 you
This is a strange world. Some people come so close to you
being miles and miles away and others even after being a
few feet away are still so far away that you cant see them.
Yes Linda I am talking about you (the first part that is).
You came into my life at the right time. I wouldn’t know
what I would do with you. Probably still be the confused
wreck that I was. You’ve been my best and only friend
throughout. I don’t know why I find it easier to write to
you instead of maybe talking to someone directly. Maybe its
because I know that you are going to be my darling little
sister and guide me through the walks of life. You know
what I am not even this close to my real sister who has
been with me all my life. You know secrets about my life
that even she doesn’t know! We share a closeness that could
never be defined.
Shail has racked havoc in my life beyond words. She drove
me to the brink of madness. You once asked me “if she hates
you then why do you still love her so much even now?” I
cant answer that... maybe its because that’s the first time
that someone has ever loved me so much....maybe its cuz she
touched my heart deeper then anyone has done before....or
maybe its because I truly love her and cant see her going
away from me......i don’t know. But if it wasn't for you,
Linda, I would probably done something really stupid. I
haven’t told anyone this little thing. You know I told you
that there was a fine on my car for speeding and me and my
sister were fighting over who did it? Well it was
me.......and you know how that happened? This was the day
after she said “.....Prashant....you are being
foolish.......the chapter is closed.......its
finished.......” the next day I was trying to commit
suicide. I floored my accelerator and was doing maybe 165 –
170 with my eyes closed! I know that my car cant handle
that speed, would break up and probably take me with it.
But I survived. You know when they say “my whole life
flashed before my eyes”..... well its true...it did flash
for me too...... I saw Shail first. she reminded me of
happiness, of joy, of love.........then I remembered you.
Your ways of explaining things to me...your kind and
understanding way of telling me what to do..... and of
course your love. You say to me that I am like a brother
that you never had.....but I say that you are a sister that
*I* never had even though I have a real sister. Amazingly,
both of you were the only people in my mind at my time of
death. So I guess you two are my life. What you told me
about Shail not being the right one for me is true. Even
though nothing would make me more happier then making her
my wife, she is in a world of her own. I've seen her smile.
There's nothing “fake” about it. She says that it is so
difficult to put it on when she is in college. That’s such
a lot of bull! If she had even the slightest bit of regret
or sadness in her, believe me I would see it. I atleast
have this quality of being able to read expressions off
peoples faces. What they think of me when they are looking
at me and when they are talking to me is always crystal
clear......(thank you Mrs. wadia for all the psychology you
hammered into my head) and her face says something totally
different. I know what it is but I wanted her to say it to
me in her own words but she didn't.
Maybe your right. Maybe her not talking to me is a good
thing. I now try to do the same thing when I am next to her
too. Today I had to bring her to college although I didn't
want to I had to cuz suj was also coming with her. And if I
refused Shail, then suj would also not come. I like suj as
a friend. She is like another of my sisters. sweet little
thing she is.
Nways....i haven’t heard from you in a long time by email
so I'd put in an entry for you. Sleep well and please do
write. Will be waiting for you.