Little Bird

Life is not fair

Things suddenly look worse than they did 4 days ago. It
seems like whenever I have a wonderful weekend or stretch
of days something drastically terrible happens.

This past weekend I took a trip with a man from Costa Rica.
My mother works with him and I’ve only met him once before.
He is a complete gentleman and didn’t try to molest me in
any way. I know he is a little sweet on me but there were
no uncomfortable or uncontrollable urges from either of us.
ANYWAY- We went to the U. P. of WI, not MI, to see a
lighthouse. We ended up seeing 5 or 6 of them. Most of them
are in Lk MI so you’d need a boat to really see them.
The lighthouses here are not what he, or I expected. They
are relatively short and some are made out of basic
plyboard. We originally went to see just 1 but that was a
little disappointing and we had driven a long way so I
decided to take him on a little tour of that area. I’ve not
been up that way since I was a kid. My mamaw and papaw used
to take me to Two Rivers to camp and fish. This trip was
the first to see lighthouses and drive that whole area.
I’ve always wanted to go there and he paid for ½ the gas,
hotel for the night and meals for my little peeps and me.
Surprising coming from a man whole isn’t planning to have
sex all night in some creepy motel room. Overall, it was a
pleasant, exciting trip and I’m glad I went.

I got home and everything was fairly normal. I had
occupational therapy Monday so I went to bed early, got up,
dressed and waited for my mom to get there so she could
take the babies to school.
I start off to OT in the pouring rain & down the wrong
road, get lost, drive around aimlessly for almost 2 hours,
miss OT (get to the building at the exact time I would have
been done) and start off to work. I had this bright idea to
stop at the bank and put what little money I have in
checking into a savings account. That plan crashes as I
passed the freaking road the bank is on and travel another
30 minutes out of my way! I don’t know what’s wrong with me
but I wake up feeling like a different person lately. It’s
a strange mix of feeling like I’m in love and just plain
lost. The sad thing is I don’t have anyone to love except
me and the little peeps. Well, it’s not sad per say, just
lonely in an adult kind of way considering I’d really like
an adult relation right now.
I haven’t talked to Animal in a week. I should call him and
remind him that I just need friendship NOT a sticky mess of
Mafia and biker crap. I feel sorry for him but he is just
not my type and it doesn’t help that he is exactly twice my
ago. Why cant I be with his Ch…that neck…uhhhhhh!

Anyway, I get to work yesterday and we have this huge
meeting and it was announced that our university is going
bankrupt. The end of the fiscal year is June 30th so they
decided that instead of laying people off they would take
1% of our annual pay from us. WELL, 1% of nothing is a big
hunk of nothing and since I have 2 kids to support, no
child support from the ex and various other responsibility
I am seriously considering finding a new job. They are
making US pay THEM for working here, very interesting! I
want to stick it out and see what happens but if it gets
too bad I will have to leave. Hell, even if it gets better,
if something that I want more comes along I will have to
leave. It sucks because I care about my students and I like
the people I call friend here.

I just got back from a meeting w/my employer’s EAP. They
told me to go to church and pray. That is SO not helpful! I
understand that church would be a good network but I’m not
a people person. It’s hard for me to ask for help and it’s
hard to face the wall that faces me.

I don’t know what to do. I think I will just stay where I’m
at, take things day by day.