mental illness, yes it is real..

totally f#in confused....

I am soo lost right now, Again Lisa told me to move out,
again I told her that I am not goin anywhere. Today was 1st
time for visitation for Lisa's kids w/their "dad", and he
was only supposed to have them till 6 pm. I have no idea
what happened, kids originally wanted nothin to do with
him, and Lisa said no way would he get them overnight, but
they were only with him for a short while when they called
& said that they wanted to stay overnight & tommorow as
well. Now they wont be home till tommorow evening I think
between 5 & 6 pm. I want things to work for Lisa & I, and I
also want to adopt Mike & Nicole, if this keeps up,
adoption will be harder, cause they seem to be bonding
again (?). I am very freggin confused. I want to keep
things smooth everywhere, and I guess it is impossible to
keep entire ocean calm. I want it to be so that things a
calm with everyone, Robin, Jon, Jess, Lisa, Mike &
Nicole..Is that possible ????? everytime I think things are
startin to go good , somethin happens and boat gets another
leak. How many leaks before the titanic sinks ???
I am tryin to control damage, but it is very tough deal.
Even fire chief is now helpin to spring leaks, I need to
get cyd to write him to prove that I am fit for duty. SO,
when i see her on wed, I have to give her copy of letter
that i sent to chief as well as copy of letter that he sent
to me to act as a release of records. I will be very
careful as to what gets sent, as I dont want him gettin too
much info. he is very sly and is known for his ability to
turn things against you if possible.
I still have my copies of things concerning Ada and if
necessary he will be reminded of that...
I Love You Lisa , and I am not ever going to leave you.
I guess that is about all for now.... TTFN #1