Realizations of a 24yr old convict
2002-04-06 12:52:22 (UTC)


Godamm I miss the ocean,even fort bragg on some cold ass
morning or even the bay would hold me tonight.
If youve never seen the ocean make it a must in your life
It might change every thing you know.

Strange life you know what we see what influances us what

Its harded then you might think to walk the line be the
straight edgger, wishing tonight I was just born some
square and didnt know all that I know or hadnt learned to
act as I have in the past just some weak sshmuk with some
lame ass girly who mabe didnt think much of me as a man
just loved me
mabe even shed run the show. But Im not and such is life
Ok heres where it lies tonight skipped the angry amputees
concert which may sound strange to those of you who know my
love of this band, Stayed home shot some go fish with my
neice. Heres what pisses me off mabe its myself for not
being able to be as weak as I need to be to make it out here
Its cool what people know me as out here they know me as
I wnant to be, just smiles and shareing love around.
Im that mother fucker who lives to see other people smile.
Heres how it goes down I always take everyone flowers
fucks its that easy to make someone smile.
So theres this girl at the coffie shop and this kid knows
the birthday is comming so I hook the flower shop one day
to get blondie some flowers I know shes been haveing long
days. so I grab a dozen of the cuteset yelow flowers
and two singles and take them to the coffie shop and give
this little one the dozen and the two other cuties the
singles. so harmless "yellow" and now this insane jelious
boy friend I guess he has it out for me what a loser his
insecurtiys driving him mad. Oh and she loves him she
really does you should see how she looks when she speaks of

So yeah I dont know this dude at all never seen him
but you know whats rad in life is not to fear shit like I
can look around and know theres know organization aroundf
here no northern structure no 129th st nothing
no group is strong here. Anyways Ill d have to do is call
some of my boys from the bay and nor cal and let them know
its open season out here and fuck itd be over.
I kinda trip like if the northeners wanted it they could
seriuosly grab like ten homboys thats it and just smash
this little town. In a few months theyd control all the
chiva fucking pizias would be out just that quick and
half the 10 that came up would hit the joints around here
and in two years thayd own that motherfucker too.

Anyways a week back I was joking with my boy saying hey you
know what Im gonna fuck this 17 year old break this dudes
jaw and catch a violation fuck theyll have to parole me
back to cali oh and itd be on. Im not impressed with this
life we got here.
And you know whats rad I would be I really would if it was
all the people that I see here nice people, Poeple with
kids and families and just inocent "nice poeple"

But then theres always some jack ass usally some lame that
dont know a fucking thing about life just sheltered here in
this place who thinks hes a tuff guy. and that pisses me
off it really does you wanna be a tuff guy hit the streets
hit the bay hit sounthen cali and I garnetee mother fucker
gets ripped and stripped. Catch a term bitch and spend some
time new folsom, pleastent valley, high dessert.
and oh you better bring more then that tuff guy act cause
well see what your made of.

The whole thing would probly be alot funnyer if I didnt
feel so leashed and knowing that to smash this lame means a
year flat plus tack on a year to my parole putting me that
much farther from hawaii and boat drinks.

You know whats so rad about my life is this I was on the
phone with my boy and hes like cool Im on a plane.
Its nice to know that homboys out there have so much love
for me thayd put it on the line and come smash some fool
just to keep me outta trouble. I got some #s in my wallet
of dudes who would do a nickel in a heart beat just to keep
me on the right track. You know its a really easy solution
but I kinda like to do my own dirty work plus I really dont
wanna hurt this girl she dont have that comming shes only
brought me smiles and then because she gave me smiles in
some round about way. Her boy winds up catching a bat as
he walks outta his house. see it aint right.
And now lets just say that happens is it my fault fuck Im
trying so hard to do whats right. I know " the road to hell
is paved with good intentions"
is that even the question and when did I start caring to
justify to my conscience actions like these. Like now not
only is it a moral dilimia because I dont wanna hurt this
girl but because I gotta know weather its my fault or not.
so I can sleep at night.
Strange and why cant I let it go.

actully heres what happened I went in there today and low
and behold there she was and shes like dont say anything
my boyfriends here and hes hella mad then shes like thank
you so much. I started to luagh like what the fuck
kinda life are you living girl and just as I am and have
always been I just assumed she was lokking out for his best
intrest like dude dont do it please be cool to my boyfriend.
when I left though I realized you know what mabe she
thought she was looking out for me HA ha ha ha. you have
know Idea how funny that seems to me like she didnt want me
to get hammered by this dude. Thats so rad if thats the case
like dude it totally worked they really dont know anything
about me they think Im some lame. its the sweaters thank
god for sweaters!!!!

And I was so cool with that thought or at laest I thought
then later Im at the wall mart trying to score this cool
little blue lamp to match this cheap ass phone I got.
Understand that when I hit a walmart Im tere checkling the
ilses of junk and the girls in sweats its totally small
twon america.
Anyways I wind up on the isle with tools and I find myself
contemplating wooden or fiber glass axe handle, to crash
this dude with anyways they got the nifty shit to crush
people with at the walmart.
Now I guess everyonme does that huh. I dont know but the
problem is the difference is rather than just thinking
about crushing things as most people do. I have a tendency
to actully go crush people.
Like thinking back about all the people who got crushed
they all started just like this one a thought about it mabe
building a plan if I find myself tomarro asking one of her
friends what this guys name is or where he works.
I think mabe ill just cut out to cali spend a few days on
the beach and do a 90 violation to save her the pain,
thats real talk right there folks so understand Im not such
a bad dude. or mabe its some really selfish devilish motive
which is this if I catch a violation they send me back to
the joint in cali they have to. But if I catch a new case
theyll try me here and Ill wind up in some lame ass un
orginized joint over here. And here this devilish part
if Im gonna do the time I wanna be where shit is jumpping
off and shit is hella savage cause being a savage and
having politics to play andshit just happen all the time
has got to be funner than spending my time chilling out
passing the time with some weak ass wanna be savages.

Anyways with endles love and respect to the squares and
savages out there. but know this if you aint a savage
dont try to be let the kids play and the girls smile
and save all the bullshit