Cruel Intentions
2001-05-22 11:20:49 (UTC)

Maybe sometimes I take things a..

Maybe sometimes I take things a step too far. Actually, I
know i do. There is a lot of things that I have done or
said that I shouldnt have, but OMG, i sorta took this one
step toop far last weekend. I was out nightclubbing, and my
freind Kerry-Anne was trying to pick up. I wasnt, but every
guy she saw that she thought was hot asked me to dance or
to buy me a drink or something. It was sorta a game at
first cuz shes pretty, and I wanted to be like "better"
than her. as fucked up as that sounds.. but whats new
right? *lol* I always gotta be the best.
So shre would point out a guy, and i would walk past him or
do something, get hus attention.. then sorta look at him..
just look, and they would walk over.. its was sorta
amazing, like i had that power over them. But it got outta
control. Like it was fun at first knowing i was getting
what she wanted, but after about 5 guys, she got a bit
upset.. then i actually thoiugh one of them was worth my
time, so i let him buy me a drink.. and she fucking got
hell pissed. damn, I knew it was a fucked up thing to do,
like ditch my friend for some fuck head that i just play
with. its not like i even do anything with them butntease
them. god, i never give my number to guys at clubs.. yet
for some reason i let this stupid conceted and selfish mind
games fuck up another friendship.
I dont know why i still write in here sometimes. I dontknow
if u read it or not, and if u do.. well u'd be sitting
there thinking "yup, u are a fuck-up.. only thinking of
yourself and the game" seriously, sometimes its like i hurt
ppl close to me for no reason what-so-ever. and at the
time, even if i realise im doing hurting them.. i just cant
stop. Its like its addictive or something, i cant help it
sometimes, knowing that some guy is undressing me with his
eyes.. looking at me like im a goddess.. and doing whatever
i say. Its so much power, and its so much a game and i cant