Babydoll in Hell

my life with the devils
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2002-04-06 04:44:15 (UTC)

another confusing day

dear diary,
this guy that i told you about, yeah we made out a lot
today and this last tuesday. we didnt do a whole lot. we
were pretty good about not going below the waist but we did
everything else. then later he calls me and we start
talking and he tells me we should stop because theres this
other girl he likes and he thinks that theyre gonna get
together soon. and i was like ok, good for you. and later
he gets off the phone and i wait for the sadness to set in
and it hasnt. im not sad about it. i mean you think i
would be, but im not. not even close. if anything im
relieved because i think maybe itll help me get over him.
but i always thought of myself as someone who knew howd
theyd react to every situation they may encounter. but now
that i would normally think that id be hella sad and
balling my eyes out. im not. im calm. and able to write
this down in a reasonable order. when i dont react to
things they way i think it freaks me out. im freaked out
because im not sad. does that sound loony to anyone else?
i think im loosing it. really loosing it. im scared. om
scared because youd think that i wouldnt wanna be sad but
right now, all i want to feel is heartbreak. ive got the
always and forever,