Meshed Up
2002-04-06 02:31:22 (UTC)

goodlooking girls

'I just want someone to love me despite my ignorance. And I
swear I won’t break your heart. I mean are looks that
important? I mean, these guys, they put themselves through
shit for a good looking chick, but I’m not pretty or
anything like that and there are so many less pretty girls
out there but at least I won’t treat you like shit, don’t
they see that?'

- Elaine Loh

beauty beauty beauty again. it seems that some girls like
me are obsessed with why guys go for pretty girls and turn
away those they find 'unpretty'.

yesterday, there was this new girl in our building who went
to the dining hall to have dinner. she had long curly
blonde hair, she was tall, and her features were quite
sharp. i think she looks a bit like julia stiles. a friend
of mine reckons she looks like milla jovovich. but anyway,
bottom line is she was goodlooking.

so this guy..this...medical student...who swears that he's
a sensitive guy but rains insults on not goodlooking girls
like me (who was very interested in my older sister as well
cuz hell, my sister's a bloody headturner)...couldn't sit
still because he wanted to know that new girl. he even said
it out loud, 'the new girl is very pretty!'

i found it absolutely sickening. he couldn't keep his ass
on the chair without turning around to look at the girl.
and he kept bugging these two other guys to introduce
themselves to her and then introduce him as well.

when the girl left the dining hall, this med student
immediately ran to the other two girls that the new girl
just talked to and tried to pry as much information as
possible. sadly, he wasn't able to accomplish much because
the two other girls didn't even know her name. har har.

this guy is around 22 i think. i didn't realize that guys
of 22 still react that way when they see pretty girls. my
goodness. i think it was all so childish.

i suppose i would've found the whole situation amusing if i
didn't feel this intense...irritation at this guy. i mean,
jeez. one time he told me and a friend of mine that he
didn't want us to meet his brother (of 15) cuz we weren't
pretty enough. fuck you man. i wish he'd look at himself
before he insults other people. besides we had no
intentions of hitting on a bloody boy of 15. and if his
brother is as immature as he is then all the more reason to
turn away. no way are we going to put up with bloody whiny

afterwards when this med student left, we started talking
about pretty girls again. there are lotz of new people who
just moved in to this building and most of them are
actually goodlooking. so two guys there said they wouldn't
mind extending their contract here...with all
these 'country bumpkins' moving in. that was how they put
it. they even planned to knock on every door in this
building just to get to know these new girls.

anyway...i just realized that i would never meet a guy who
would actually do that just to meet me. no guys would crowd
around just to look at me. no matter how expensive my
clothes are, how neat my hair is, how smooth my skin is, i
still wouldn't have all these guys crowding around just to
catch a glimpse of me.

i don't feel jealous of pretty girls or anything ....
well.. okay, sometimes i do. i guess it's because i know
they have something that i can never have. they have
beauty. i can never have beauty.

but then, for this time, i don't feel jealous at all. just
a bit resigned...i guess i'm starting to accept the fact
that i truly am destined to live my life as an ugly piece
of shit. it's not a really good feeling...but i do feel a
bit relieved. maybe it's because i feel like i have freed
myself of some of the shackles that bind me to this heavy
burden of being ugly.

oh well. as elaine would say, guys put themselves through
shit just for a goodlooking chick. i'm not pretty at all.
but at least i won't treat you like shit.