What you never knew
2002-04-05 22:40:24 (UTC)


gaaah man...matt and i were talking bout summer stuff again
and every time we do it just makes me want summer to be
here even more. so much is happening for me this summer,
like i mean im getting my liscense and a new pink tracker
(hopefully) and im gonna of course be with my matthew lol.
i mean yea summer may seem like such a long ways a way yet
but to me i just know that matt and i are gonna last for
awhile. it would take some pretty drastic measures for me
to break up with him and i dunno bout him but yea its not
happining lol. i just love him so much that i couldnt
forsee that as happening. i probly sound like some phsycho
stalker that wont let matt go or something but its not like
that cause im kinda hoping that he feels the same way that
i do.
im getting to the point where i hate myself. yea i know
that sounds really random but its not. i keep pushing matt
away and not telling him stuff and hiding things and i hate
myself for it. i just wish i could be how he needs me to be
but instead i have to be stupid. grr i am just so sick of
myself, not to mention people in general. i dunno.
haha on to another subject lol. okay obviously matt and i
have done some things ya know sexually..well pretty much
everything you can do but have sex and its really got me
thinking lately. i mean if someone had told me 2 months ago
that i would be doing that stuff i would have laughed in
their faces but now its not at all surprising. i mean
things with matt just happen and are there and it feels so
right and natural with him that i dont even think twice
about doing it. makes me think of other things
a little more often if you get what i mean but it hasnt
changed our relationship really ne..we are a little more
serious than before but i mean thats cause we really dont
have much else to do with the weather being as stupid as it
is. gaah ya ne ways im just rambling now so im gonna get
going peace.