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2002-04-05 19:29:31 (UTC)


as always, the complaning part....i found out today that
last night tony let rosie read the notes that eric had
writeen me during the time that i knew him. Totaly hinestly
it was not fact that she read them that bothered me but it
was the fact that she did not ask. she asked tony but tony
did not have to right to give them to her to read. it
really does not matter all the much though but i feel like
i intrusted him with something important of mine and he
just gave it away. kind of how he tell me that when he
tells me things that they are for me to hear and not for me
to tell *things about himself, etc* well, that was kind of
the same for me. in those letters are lots of things about
me and memories that i have and he was very willing to
share that. i don't know if i am feeling bad about if for
no reason or if i really should feel bad. untill i figure
that out i am not going to say anything about it to rosie
or tony. i think that i am just going to not say anything
about it ever. just one of those things that you rembember
i guess.
Ok, this one has been bothering me for a little while but i
have not know how to put it into words. i think that i can
now. Tony. I don't think that he likes me like he uesd to.
He seem distant when we are togethor. distant from me at
least. he says that he does not trust me all that much.
that he expects that when i tell him something that there
is always more to the story. i know he does not like that i
am flirtty. i don't try to be. i think that i am tons
better than i was and definatly better than i have been
with any of my other boyfriends. I listen to him more than
i have any of my other boyfriends. that is a big thing for
me. i don't think he gets that. usually when i would be
told to do something i would not do it unless i totaly
agreed with it but with tony i do things he askes just
because he wants me to. like not talk to scott and bob.
tony and i are always getting in fights. it is like we can
not go a day with out one of us getting mad. usually it is
for things that i don't understand. mainly with trust i
guess. he thinks that everytime i ask him where he is going
or who he is with it is becuse i am trying to 20 quesiont
him. that is not it at all. i am just wondering. it is a
question. i sometimes think that he would like it better if
i did not ask him any quesions about his life and what he
does. oh, another thing. he told me this today. thw whole,
i want to be with you forever thing. i said something about
that and he told me that he had to re-think that one. that
hurts. i thought that he loved me and wanted to be with me
forever. i don't know what to do. i do what he wants and we
still get in fights and he still gets mad. i love him so
much and i want to be with him i just hope he still feels
the same way. till later.