still single

sick of all the sh*t
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2001-05-22 02:53:27 (UTC)

relationships suck

Well I don't really even feel like writing because I am
very upset/depressed...I got off my Prozac and am on a new
drug to try to stop the hair pulling and it's making me
overly emotional which wouldn't be a problem except that
Denis doesn't seem to give a shit about me anymore. He has
been sooo distant for the last few days even in Vegas this
weekend.I don't know if it's because another manager just
got fired for dating an amployee but he told a coworker
that he is freaked out but when I brought up how I
felt..that he has been distant...(hasn't complimented me in
days...never calls me anymore or makes plans)and he said I
analyze too much...I'm sorry but I think my instincts are
usually pretty accurate...I wish he would just tell me what
the deal is...He barely touches me anymore except that he
finger banged me on the drive back home from Vegas
yesterday...He was sooooo sweet on Saturday night but he
had rank a lot!!! I understand his need to ignore me at
work when people are there but no one was there tonight and
I went in his office to talk to him and asked him if he's
come over later but he said he might go out for a drink
with his friend Greylin and I asked him to come over after
that but he just changed the subject...I'm so hurt I don't
even want to go back to work...and I'm in a catch 22
because if I bring up how I feel he'll probably act like
I'm freaking out o ver nothing. I am soo low
maintenance...just want a compliment or a hand held every
now and again...fuck throw me a bone...I feel so insecure
in this relationship.I'm already feeling shitty about my
haior because I know he's embarrassed by it...he's the type
who cares too much what other people think. I asked him on
the drive home yesterday if he was shallow and he said he
is... I feel like he wants me to hate him and he's being a
jerk on purpose so I'll dump him...Why can't he just say
that. It would be so much easier on least I'd know
where things stand...if we have a future or not...He
doesn't even say those things anymore...okay well I'm gonna tears are blurring my ability to type...

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