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2001-05-22 01:11:04 (UTC)

Life in general

Today is may 21st, its about 9 oclock at night, and well
i'm tired, tommorow i'm not gonna go to school, we have a
half day so me and my friend ashley are trying to go to
the mall, but the thing is her brother eric was gonna
drive us, but he's skipping to go to a party, and the party
is brandons house and ashley is like deaply in love with
brandon.. and her brother eric, would never let us go, but
i'm so bored i just wan to get drunk and forget about the
rest of the week, well i need a boyfriend, i think i come
of as a bitch and thats why i'm not going out with anyone i
come off as being very defensive because i am, i mean who
wouldn't be in my position i'm afraid of hurting another
guy, yes another... guy.. i always end up dumping them
never the other way around, i dunno why, i guess i could
never really have a succesful relationship, i'm not prety
or confident or anything, plus i realize it'll never last
before i even give it a chance, plus the guy i like Carlos
doesn't even know i exist, which makes my crush on him a
little wierd at times, but i really think i might like my
best friend ashleys brother eric, this is a horrible
situation because i don't know if i really like him or if i
just want him to destroy myself inside, i think i ruin
things sub-conciously and just don't notice, i might be a
little fucked in the head but what can i do..
luv, always