2001-05-21 23:26:05 (UTC)

second i nuts?

lets see nothing happened on sunday, sopranos season finale (XTIAN if you're reading this STOP NOW cause im gunna go into detail), well lets see it had lots of clifhangers, none that i care about. Looks like Pauly might turn on Tony. Jackie Jr got capped...thank god. Meadow is becoming an alchoholic and Tony is having problems showing AJ how much he really cares about him so he tried to send him off to Military School (can we go somewhere with aj's character already?) but AJ has anxiety attacks too so he can't go. Christopher and Steven Van Zandtz's character got arrested for gambling but are finally out. The feds are setting up Christophers financee to get info on the fam....they sent in Fairuza Balk which is actually a great surprise cause she's the bomb.

work was always. sarah is trying to figure out the address to my if you're reading this sarah congrats and I will no longer make blonde jokes..heh. went with sarah and justin to the town center mall to apply for a second job (erf) at Sephora. I just need some extra cash each week to afford this wedding and joannes baby shower and to well buy some new clothes cause everythings getting too big on me again.

really feeling jaded this ever gunna pass? rethinking everything i've ever done. writing lots but not sharing with any of you...hehe not special enough. just wanna find something that brings me some sort of joy (heh masturbation?). pondering why people are put into our lives for a short period of time and then leave us just when we get used to having them around. i'm cursed or i'm being protected from what could be potentionally crushing. i dont think im good at making my own decisions so i think someone else is making them for me. i feel all spiritual and weird when i think like that. just want this feeling to pass so i can go back to being my bitter jaded bitchy self...cause i like that heh. oh well...i dont think anyone at all is reading this. i have to go to my dads therapist with him at the end of this month, i have the feeling i'm going to get backed into a corner cause well im the route of all evil. its not even like i'm really a part of his life nor do i feel like i'm a part of his life. i'm not gunna turn this into another i hate my dad ill end it here. but i dont hate the man just hate all his decisions, including the one to have me (hello can we say morbid and deranged?). i have ironing to do.