My Small Corner of the World
Boys Will Be Boys (And Will They Ever Grow Up to Be Men?)
Famous saying. "Boys will be boys." So I'm waiting for
these "boys" to become men so that this quote will cease to
exist. But that's not what I'm going to write about today.
I'm going to write about my reactions to two things my
boyfriend has done in the past 24 hours, it's relation to
"boy"hood, and how it tickles my psychological funny bone.
First thing to be discussed is the boy's incessant fantasy
of female homosexual intercourse. Translated, seeing two
girls going at it. Now, a few things need to be understood
for me to relate this to my own life and my boyfriend's
mentality. A) My boyfriend only jokes about this. He
believes that one woman is quite enough to handle and
doesn't really want to try two at once. B) You have to
understand his relationship to the two girls exhibited in
this fantasy and my former interpretation of his
relationship to the two girls exhibited in this fantasy.
You see, about a week or so ago I accused my boyfriend of
having a mistress figure. Let me explained my theory.
The Wife Figure/Mistress Figure Theory- All men have two
basic needs for the female sex. One, they need a
compassionate, understanding partner in life that they
depend on for emotional stability, ie the Wife Figure.
Two, they also need a fun, sexy, spontaneous member of the
female sex to satisify their primitive sexual urges, ie the
Mistress Figure. Now, this doesn't mean that all men will
cheat on the Wife Figure. Sometimes the Mistress Figure is
simply a good friend that the man enjoys looking at and
flirting with in a sexual way.
Now, personally, I hate this theory and will do everything
in my power to terminate it. I think that men should have
one woman who is both the wife figure and the mistress
figure. And not to sound selfish, but that's what I want
to be with my boyfriend- both. Still about a week ago I
felt that he looked to someone else to satisfy his mistress
figure needs, a friend of ours who works with us. We
fought about it, got over it, and now we joke about it.
Anyways, back to the matter of the bisexual fantasy. Last
night I was at my boyfriend's house watching "Robin Hood,
Men In Tights" and we were talking about the work day to
come in the morning. We were both working the 8 - 4:30
shift and my boyfriend's "mistress figure" was working the
6 - 2:30 shift. Also, me and his "mistress figure" would
be working together behind the jewelry counter (what
actually happened was that they sent me to housewares, but
I digress). I joked around with him by saying, "Wow. Now
you can see us both together." Naturally, this registers
in the male mind of female-female intercourse. But instead
of him doing something like, "Hey. You know, I'd really
like to see you two girls in action, if you know what I
mean?" (insert cheezy eyebrow dance here) He chose to do
a flicking thing with his tongue to prove his point. It
was rather..........icky? But I've come to this conclusion
with my boyfriend and probably with many men around the
world, that it's not the idea of two girls having sex with
each other that is the attraction. It's the naughtiness
and the forbiddeness behind it. It's not something that's
normally done, so oooooooo, it's sexay! I don't know.
Maybe it is just seen as two hot girls going at it on each
other. In either sense, I think this is the first time one
has ever pictured me having sex with a member of the same
gender (not that I'm proud of this fact or whatever).
The second theory I've developed from watching my boyfriend
work with a fellow associate (who also happens to be a
guy), is that men have two personalities. The personality
they put on to impress girls and the other to impress their
male friends. Needless to say, today I got stuck in the
more masculine situation. Normally, my boyfriend is rather
pleasant around me, saying the right thing, minding his
manners, and calling me cute pet names as I do to him.
Today however, he was with his male friend, and I could
just feel the testosterome vibrate through the room. When
I didn't hear one of them farting, I heard them call each
other names like "Nuts" and "Nutley." I was quite
revolting. It was as if I wasn't in the room. But I am
proud of my boyfriend for one thing. When he realized that
I was in the room, he included me in the masculinity. I'm
not sure if that's a good thing, but it's nice to be
noticed and sometimes it's fun being "one of the boys."
So, within 24 hours, I can add two more theories to my "Man
Theories" thanks to my boyfriend. And maybe the next time
I write, my small corner of the world would have gotten
just a tiny bit bigger.