Marco Jacksonovic

Crazy What You Could've Had
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2002-04-04 15:50:00 (UTC)

This Is Just For Me.

Up to 7 or 8, I would work really hard at school, I used to
enjoy it - it was all interesting, it was all fun. I could
walk to school of a morning, and then back on a night.

After that, maybe a bit younger actually, I went across to
Mirfield, about 5 miles away? A 15 drive in the morning,
and I changed. I got into cricket - I was good at it, I was
one of the finer left-arm spinners you'll see under the age
of 12, there's not the call for it that it was, but then,
there's call to revert to cities instead of counties. They
can fuck right off wanting Leeds instead of Yorkshire.

After that, when I went up to 'Middle school' (I'd be 10-
11) I first bumped into the girl I mentioned before. She
was great. Even then. I remember I spent an assembly
watching her listen instead of listening to our headmaster,
something I regret now, because his assemblies were always
very good. Very good. He read The Highwayman better than
anyone I've ever heard.

It was this walking to school time that I chose to 'go off
the rails'. I was 12. It didn't last long, and didn't
encompass anything really nasty. It was 3 things really.
Well, and a few minor incidents...I'll cover them all.

1. I was pre-teenage playground porn peddler. For some
reason a mate and I thought it would be good to sell on his
dad's porn mags for a price in the playground. Financially
it was, but it has shaped a fairly anti-porn sentiment in
the modern me. Maybe I could recommend it!

2. I went wild with a 'snow spray'. We bought one each, on
our way into school (3 of us) and I sprayed the back of a
car, including the registration plate. A lot of other
things got sprayed, and then one of my mates smashed his
pressurised can apart with a rock. We turned up to school
about 10 minutes late covered in white snow-y cream. And
I'd sprayed my Geography teacher's car. Not a happy lady,
that day.

3. We mercilessly bullied another kid. I was never as bad
as my mates. (No, really, I was never big enough to hit
him, I would just stand by and watch) I still did it,
though, I'm not proud.

a) I tripped a girl up and she cut herself quite badly.
b) I threw stones into windows, and indeed at cars.

That was about it. But...clearly, I was unpopular with my
teachers for that. Afterwards, I spent a long
time 'rebuilding' myself into who I am now, conciously not
doing things that I KNEW I would regret doing, and taking
responsibility for things I did, knowing that whatever I'd
done, I'd chosen to do.

But by then, she was gone. What attractive, nice, hard-
working school-girl wants to hang about with someone with a
past like that. So she might speak to me occasionally...it
took another 5 years before we got on, really. Too long.

But, I don't file it under 'regrets'. I file it
under 'lessons'. And I've learned from it.

Skeletons in my closet? No longer. Just hope people who I
don't want to read this don't. There's an English teacher
of mine that I would love to read it - my diary in general,
rather. But I think I'll have to visit my school for that
to happen. We were up there last night. It seems to be the
same as ever. As, I suppose, you would expect.

WILT? Moonlight - Bob Dylan. Still on Love And Theft. Great
album, don't let Tweedle-Dee & Tweedle-Dum put you off.
Rent it out from the library and get a copy of it.

Bob's an old man, but he's still one of the best.


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