Onju

My Teenage Life
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2001-05-21 18:42:22 (UTC)

entries for 2day and friday

Friday 18th May

Ok Ok, something else happened last night to make it the
best day - and it wasn;t in my list of 2 things, it was an
even better thing than Dave Grohl or Ashley declaring love!
Forget Ashley signing my shirt, that was nothing -
something way better happened!

Annraoi told me that he loves me!!!!!
Well was I WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO or wot! So then we got
back together and im soooo happy!
I haven’t spoken to him since last night yet tho and I’m
worried that he’ll come online and say it was a mistake or
something. I always get that feeling tho, I guess I’m just
being silly.
God I love him sooo much!

I realised yesterday that I over-exagerated my feelings for
Ashley. I just think he’s nice looking, I can’t love him
cos I don’t know him. I reckon I over exagerated the Ashley
thing cos I loved Annraoi but thought he didn’t feel the
same so tried to focus on someone else - who happened to be
Ashley. I Can’t even explain it to myself properly.

My friend Phil is not gonna be happy though. Whenever I
talked to him about loving Annraoi (haven’t done for a
while tho) he always says “just make sure u don’t get back
together with him” and now I have, he will not be too
pleased. Well it’s none of his business anyway. I know he
only says stuff like that cos he cares about me and don’t
want me getting hurt but he should be pleased that I’m
happy. His girlfriend does some weird things but I don’t
tell him to dump her! So he shouldn’t tell me not to go out
with annraoi.

Oh well. I was talking to this cool lad from liverpool b4,
he was really nice and had a few things in common with me.
I saw his profile on that sparkmatch thing, I was lookin
for people from liverpool to chat to. I’m a bit worried
that people I message on there will get the impression im
interested romantically, it seems the kind of site where
people would be like that.

I was in this chat room I used to go in (where I met neil!)
all the time but aint been in for months and some girl sent
me a message and said “hey, this is really weird but do u
know someone called neil?” so I went “yeh” and she went “r
u nikki?” so I went “yeh how dya know?” and she said she
knew neil and he always called me onju to her so she knew
it was me in the chat room. We got talking about him and
she was asking me about meeting him and asked if I was
looking forward to it, I said yeh and she told me that neil
was excited!! It was quite surprising really cos Neil isn’t
the type to get excited about things, I just can’t imagine
him being excited about something. Also, I didn’t think he
was that bothered about it. But oh well im glad he’s
looking forward to it!
One more day! This time tomorrow, I’ll either be with him
or will have just been with him. That’s mad!
I wish it was Aon I was meeting 2mora, I really need to
meet him more than ever now L I wish he lived more locally
like Neil does.

I’m finally listening 2 Just Enough Education To Perform by
the Stereophonics, I hadn’t listened to it since I got it
the other week! Dunno why just cudn’t be bothered.

God, our lisa’s mate’s staying tonight L But on the bright
side, Raw’s on so she won’t be in the room wen it’s on and
I Can watch it in peace (well almost, my brother mark’ll
still b there)

I can’t be bothered getting bevvied in ours 2mora with
heather. I can’t believe she couldn’t go out in the end cos
she “had no money and nothing to wear” I reckon she just
didn’t wanna go to town at night, she wanted to go the
paradox all along but there was no way I was gonna go to
that crappy place.
Still have no mates to go the krazyhouse with cos none of
them wanna go. I’m gonna go with Neil though if we get on
alright tomorrow.

GODDDDDDDD I gave me mum me white jumper 2 wash cos its wot
I gotta wear 2mora and she’s just fucking turned it pink!
The pink better come out with bleach and then be ready for
me 2 wear 2mora or I will not be happy at all. Stupid thing.

Damn I still aint foned kayleigh about goin 2 town with lou
2mora, if they go they’re walkin me 2 the albert dock u c
so I wont be nervous on my own!

Anyway, Im waffling so Im gonna go

Nikki


Monday 21st May

Well I didn’t write for a few days cos I aint been on my
bedroom cpu over the weekend.

I did a spanish gcse 2day - reading and listening. Dunno
how i did on reading, it went ok i guess. But listening!!!!
Pfft i got about 3/19! And i KNOW that cos our spanish
teacher, mr hall, wrote out the answers too and showed us
them afterwards and i just looked and thought “shiiiit i
didnt put that” for like every answer
Oo im goin for a bit cos im goin online

Ok im back.
I shudn’t even b writin this now cos im in a
reeeeeeaaaaaallllyy bad mood. It was gr8, id just spoke 2
annraoi for a few mins and was really happy but I just had
a massive fight with me sis and ohhhhh damn…shes in her
room in amood and my cds r in there cos I slept there last
night -eep I better go rescue em and prepare for yet
another fight…

Wew, she was lyin on her bed sulkin and didn’t say nothing
2 me
Then I had an argument with me bro u c, he was wreckin
me ‘ed so I slapped him and he chased me all the way up
here 2 me room, hit me 3 times (3 cos the 1st 2 were not in
the least bit hard)and then went. I love the way sumtimes I
have the ability 2 control myself and let the person go
rather than carryin on fightin. Sometimes I cant tho and
just carry on hittin the person!

Omg I sooo thought Undertaker would win the wwf title at
judgement day, I was convinced! With him wantin 2 win it
twice b4 he retires next yr and all that. [email protected] not
winning!!

This cpu is annoyin me, cos I was writin one of me stories
2 nat on here the other night, and I was bein lazy so I
went to autocorrect and replaced character names such as o
for Onju, l for Luka, m for Mark, s for Steve, d for Dwayne
etc cos i cudnt be bothered typin the names over and over.
So now it’s annoyin wen i press I’m on here i get I’Mark
and I’d is I’Dwayne and annraoi’s is annraoi’Steve godddd
lol I dont wanna disable it either cos I need things like
don;t to go to don’t. and i cant remove the names for wen i
finish the story.
Lol god - sum of the things i talk about J

So…the last few days!!! Not a lot has happened really - I
met Neil on Saturday, I’ve been really happy cos of annraoi
and also, I cocked up with annraoi on Saturday night.

Wen I met Neil, it was really nice meeting him and finally
seeing who he really is and what he's like and stuff. We
met at the albert dock, went in the tate gallery and walked
out like 2 mins later (yawn) then just spent 2 hours or so
walking round. I wasn’t as quiet as I thought id be but I
wasn’t miss chatty like I usually am. I wasn’t even that
nervous tho which was quite surprising, I did feel sick wen
I woke up but that got better and I felt ok. I did end up
goin on me own cos kayleigh cudnt go 2 town with Lou. I was
listenin 2 me discman and had the linkin park album, but I
had 2 turn it right down cos sum old lady came and sat next
2 me and was givin me evil looks out the corner of her eye!
It’s a free country and I didn’t even have it on full blast
or anything.
But yeh, me and neil walked around so much, I had pulled
muscles yesterday (still a bit sore 2day) and a sore heel
lol J aint got that much exercise in a while.

The thing with annraoi on Saturday night is a long story
which is hard 2 explain. But basically, I’ve been feeling
that my dad (who lives with my nan and is engaged) loves my
step bro more than me cos he sees him more and wen we (we
bein me,me bro and sis) go 2 me nans he don’t pay us loads
of attention or nethin and we just hardly c him (well me
bro goes out with himon Sundays sumtimes 2 watch him play
snooker and he plays the playstation with him sumtimes) but
me and me sis don’t really get a look in. He never gives us
anything, like never gives me mum money to buy us stuff,
its always her who has 2 buy us everythin and that’s not
fair on her, and he's meant to take us out once a month but
he never even manages that,me mum says 2 him after about 3
months to take us out so he does but its like he's being
forced. As im writing this im nearly crying, it makes me so
sad, even tho I come across to all my friends as happy most
of the time. I don’t think anyone realises how upset I am
at times. I can be ok if I don’t think about things like
that but wen I do it just gets me upset inside. I don’t
even know wot my dads like with my step brother cos I aint
seen them both at the same time for ages but I know he sees
my step bro more than he sees me and I can imagine they get
on dead well and do stuff 2getha like he probably takes
our andy (me step bro) 2 footy matches and everythin - it
wudnt surprise me. I'm not saying I want him to buy me
loads of things, I just wish he’d show me a little more
love and attention. Dont get me wrong, we do get on wen we
do talk 2 each other, and we can have a laugh, but i dont
think what he does is right. It’s obvious that i dont
matter to him, he probably wudnt care if i got ran over and
killed tomorrow. And then he’d probably be too busy to go
to my funeral. The whole thing just makes me determined to
love my kids wenever i have them, more than anyone or
anything else in the world (if i even have kids, who’d
wanna spend the rest of their life with me and have kids
with me??) and if i do have kids, wotever happens, if i
split up with my husband and lost custody of the kids, i
would always make it my main aim to show them i loved them
even if i cudnt be with them.
The reason it all fitted in with annraoi was me being
totally stupid. I’d been thinking about the thing with my
dad and then i got it into my head that annraoi’d rather
talk to his mates than me. Cos, altho he answers me really
quickly, esp.considerin the amount of ppl he does talk to,
and altho he answers wotever i talk about and stuff, i was
thinkin at the time he rarely starts convos with me but is
always chattin away to his other mates, so then i was like
the whole “he wants 2 talk 2 hisother mates more” kinda
thing. The fact i thought he’d rahter talk to other ppl
didnt bother me at all,cos it’s only me, but the fact he’s
my bf and he loves me got me a bit upset. It was like my
dad situation but with my bf and not my step bro. So i got
quite upset and kinda started an argument with annraoi.Just
as i was about to apologise he went “well if ur gonna b
like that maybe u shud go” which kinda refuelled my anger
so i sed “fine, i was bout 2apologise and explain but ill
go” or sumthing like that so he sed bye. I just thought 2
myself omg i cant go off not talking to him and realised i
was being totally unfair taking it out on him and
apologised. He apologised too (dunno wot for) and then i
explained why i’d done it, in the best way i cud.
I cringed the next day wen i thought how unfair i was on
him, but didnt mention it to him again.
No wonder I’m gonna spend the rest of my life alone if im
treating the ones who love me like that.

Oh god i dont think i shud write this anymore,all im doin
is slagging myself off
I wanna talk to annraoi :( he makes me happy

Well it's a bit later on now and im online, and im talking
to annraoi and i feel happier now, i dunno wot came over me
b4 saying all that stuff!

My sis told me that b4, my friend stuart in her yr (The
lots and lots and lots of love, more love guy) knew i was
comin in and waited by the school gates so he could see me,
but me sis said i'd already gone and he got all upset :)
Aww how cute. I hadn;t gone like but my sis htought I had.

I just wanna say thanks to the ppl who actually sent me
some feedback at last!! lol
ok well im english so that's y i say 6th form. It's where u
go as an alternative to college (u do the same things as in
college tho) at the ages 17 and 18.
Thanks to the person who said my entry was
entertaining...lol :) I think my american friend said i'd
be in grade 9, well i'm 16 in august (one of the youngest
in my yr :(:(:(:() so u can c if i'm right or not :)
I didnt think ne1 read my diary really, to me it's really
boring and i only write it because i know i'll keep it goin
longer than i'd keep a plain old written one going :)

Well annraoi is being sweet as ever, so im gonna end this
now and focus on talking to him :)
feel free 2 send more messages ppl, the more the better lol
even if it is sayin it's crap!

Nikki


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